Hacia el sol
by lucife56
Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion.
1. Prologue

Title: Towards the Sun

Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion

Note from author: inspired in Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen.

I dont own naruto

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Every death is the principle of a life.

Jose Marti

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The last thing I remember was the screams.

I was comfortably sitting and reading a book while waiting for the bus when I looked up, bored, and the wold seemed to stop. At least _my_ world _did. _As the deer freezes in the headlights, so I did I when I saw it. I could not tell if I felt fear. I just stared with morbid fascination as It approached. Everything was too fast and yet, that moment seemed to last an eternity. I do not remember pain, not even the blow or impact. Only someone screamed. Maybe, it was me.

My next memory is not a picture, nor sound, but a feeling. The same of those winter mornings when you can stay in bed under the covers knowing how cold it is outside. The remotely familiar warmth and security. I do not know how long I was suspended in that comforting darkness. Sometimes my mind wandered into a comfortable drowsiness, sometimes I felt a little more awake and restless. I lived in a little world of whispers, movement and vibration.

I was pulled out of it too fast. Dragged and pushed out of my shelter. I felt the cold when I was lifted by something or someone grabbing me by the ankles. I was terrified. I did not know was happening. It was obvious that I had had an accident. The truck came directly at me, nothing and nobody could have stopped it. For a while, I thought that soothing darkness was death. _In this case it is not so bad_, I thought. But, the cold and the pain were clear evidence that It was not the case. I was not dead. Oh, no! I was very much alive, and the idea was something even more terrifying.

I only could see a blur. Unable to see beyond shadows or diffuse forms and make sense of the situation in front of me, I tried to talk but my throat only made inarticulate sounds which quickly turned into screams of pure agony and terror. I cried and wailed. Shadows around me seemed to shift and move. There were voices. Someone was talking but I could not understand. What was happening? What the hell happened? What was wrong with me?

Someone picked me up and tried to shush with reassuring murmurs, in vain. It was impossible to silence me, just until I fell from exhaustion. It was too strange, so terribly foreign. It took me a long time to even glimpse the meaning of the situation.

I've never been a religious person. Even as a child. I believed in gods as one who believes in fairies. For me, after death likely there was... nothing. The idea of reincarnation was ... I dont know, something simply linked to other beliefs. I know that it existed in Egyptian religion, Greek or Roman and in most Eastern religions such as Hinduism or Buddhism, but certainly not as something real, at least for me. The realization that I was not I, that I was in the body of a baby only a few weeks old rather than an adult woman´s was ... shocking, so to speak.

It would have been exciting if life as a little child were not so extremely boring. The only contact I had with the world were the two adults who took care of me. (I refused outright to even think of them as _my_ parents by the time, because they were not). My routine was basically sleep, eat, go back to the crib, go back to eating, napping, another take, bathing, sleeping ... and so on Day. After. Day. It was frustrating and annoying to say the least.

I did not know the language, my sight was worse than before without glasses, I could not go anywhere by myself and most of the time was spent staring at the ceiling from my crib. The summer was ending and yet the days were horribly hot, but the worst part was the itching. It was constant throughout the body, under the skin, it was something you could not scratch. If you did not think much of it remitted, but in the long hours that I had nothing to do or think about It was becoming almost unbearable. So, for me to heed, I did the only thing I could: I cried.

I must have been a nightmare for _my_ parents and, as It was repeated many times since, a disgrace to the family. Failing to find any explanation for such weeping, they were alarmed and afraid that there was something wrong with me. I was taken to hospital where I was diagnosed with hypersensitivity to chakra. Although at that time I did not know it, my family belonged to a ninja clan. One of the most important clans in the village but with my condition It would be impossible for me to follow that path. I would not even be able to activate our kekkei genkai. It was unthinkable, and it shattered all hopes of my caregivers. A girl belonging to the branch house who was unable to use chakra, something useless, devoid of function and value in the eyes of the clan.

Ignorant of all this, life went on as usual for me. Although I did notice the woman´s behaviour growing colder towards me.

When I finally could see beyond the tip of my fingers I realized I was not alone in my new existence. I had a brother. In my past life I had been an only child and one of my worst qualities is I'm a selfish and egocentric. It's something I admit and that I m not proud of. I was not sure I liked this new contingency.

Sharing my living space with other people never was one of my strengths and, by the child's expression when we were face to face, the feeling was mutual. It was animosity at first sight. Older siblings tend to have a certain envy of the younger ones and I was not ready to loose the attention of my only sources of knowledge available in favor of a one year-old kid. Thus began my personal war with _Ne-chan_.

Maybe my behavior and my thinking were childish. In retrospective I can not but realize that I was fighting with a child about a year old by... pure stubbornness? Infantilism? But at the moment I could not help it and even now ...

Everything, from the first day, turned into a competition. To my dismay there was not much challenge. Because he was bigger and stronger he always won. And the woman, whatever the subject of dispute: from a stuffed animal to the place to take a nap, always took his side. In fact, over time, I realized that the attitude of the two adults towards me began to change significantly. As she became more distant, turning to my brother, him, whenever he was at home, went with me and, sometimes,with the idiot of my brother. In the evenings, after dinner, He usually read to us, sitting on the floor with me in his arms and Ne-chan cuddled beside him. I began to treasure those moments, the only part of the day where we were not at each other throats.

Little by little, without me realizing it, he went from being "the man" to "my father" in my head. I guess it's impossible to spend so much time with someone and not take care, but by the other hand, I never got to open up entirely to the woman.

It was then, when things began to settle for me, it happened. After two months even the strange itching due to chakra began to subside, not my perception of it, but the discomfort of something alien, as a new limb to witch you are not used to. Although I was aware of its presence within me and outside, in the air, food ... everywhere, I began to get used to the sensation. It's like having a second set of veins and arteries through which something happens to move all the time, an energy that you feel and, if you concentrate, even direct. Although at that time I did not even know what it was.

I felt it. I had just turned two months, but I remember it clearly. That chakra was ... Evil. I do not like to label things good or bad but that was the only way to describe it. It was thick, dark and full of hate. Monstrous.

I lived on terror until the end of the attack . It was something that I never felt before or after again. It was nameless, faceless, without explanation, and therefore, much worse. My father, the only safe and warm presence that was a constant in my life was gone, and my mother was too busy rocking Ne-chan to deal with his crippled daughter.

It was the first of the horrors I had to face in this life and, as with many others, I did it alone. I think because of that memory I started really to loathe my mother.

Perhaps it was not fair to her. She was never deliberately cruel to me, I just was not that important to her as her Ne-chan. In retrospect, I can understand and not hold grudges. But at the moment the gesture stung.

Not until long after, when my father came, got me out of my crib and rocked me in his arms throughout the room I did feel safe. I remember the exhaustion and concern reflected in his silver eyes. As always, for comfort, I took a lock of his hair in my grip. His long hair, usually dark and silky, was matted and dirty. Specks of dust lanes obscured his cheeks and there were indefinite stains on his clothes, if they were mud or worse I would rather not think about it.

He looked at me and smiled..

-Ssh. It´s all right. It´s all rigth now – he whispered -. Hikai, my little loto - muttered kissing my forehead. I sighed happyly. He smelled of smoke and something metallic that I did not identify.

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Fortunately, after that only episode, life returned to its course, for better or for worse. Winter came and with it the rains. Being stuck at home, the friction between my nemesis and I became more pronounced. My first words were neither father nor mother, nor anything similar.

- Neji-baka! - I shouted, exasperated, when the idiot tried to take_ my_ picture book. I was laying on the carpet quietly leafing through one of those books for children, all drawings, when he came and he took it out of my hands

- MINE!-He stated. I was six months old. I could finally see more than a couple of steps ahead and crawl al my way around the house so, now, it was a little more difficult for him to bully me. The two of us began to pull one side each

Before situaton got worse , laughing, my father hasten to make peace by taking the book placing himself between the two of us as a human barrier. Once settled, he began to turn the pages so that we both saw it.

Most of the stories we were told of were about heroes and glory, warriors who fought for their clan and village. The drawings were of individuals dressed in kimonos and yukatas, like my parents. That and the characteristic architecture of the house gave me a new data to the context of my situation. I was in Japan and all we had seen so far from home to my parents' clothes, was strictly traditional. Oddly I had never set a foot beyond our house and the yard itself, and the only people I had contact was my little family. Soon that was going to end.

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If you are interested, this is some fan art I did for this fic:

lucife56 . deviantart art / Safe - at- last - 303955774

t t p : / / lucife56. deviantart # / d4zdlx0


	2. Chapter 1

Title: Towards the Sun

Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, except for a Hyuga. Self insertion

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To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.  
Victor Hugo-

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During the first year of my life, my routine did not change much. Instead, after Neji had turned two years, things began to change. The life of a shinobi is not kind. In the large clans, children were trained from a very young age. The Academy, in peacetime, began at the age of five, although they have admitted aforementioned prodigies before. Neji began earlier.

That morning, like any other, the whole family got up at dawn, my parents probably earlier. My father took both of us out and began our morning warm-up, to call it in some way. A series of exercises to improve our flexibility and coordination. The stretching reminded me of the gymnastics I did in my previous life, children's version, because it was simple exercises for children our age. My brother´s set was longer and more complex than mine. It was a practice in which I was involved as soon as I could walk. It's amazing the ability to bend the body for one so young, in my past life, not even at my best, could I have come up with some of the positions that now I adopted so easily.

Then, once those 15 minutes finished, the day started for us. After breakfast, my father disappeared going to work, whatever it was, and the woman was busy with some housework. That left us in a closed room with sufficient means to keep us entertained.

That day my father took with Neji with him.

"Now you are a big boy, Neji-kun." He explained. "It's time you started to train seriously with your older cousins. Come, It will be fun." The idiot of my brother was more than happy to take the hand tha was held out to him and turn around giving me a clear look of gloating. My father attention was always a sore point between us. At that I did something very mature, I stuck out my tongue.

My mother must have seen it because she hastened to rebuke me:

"Hikai! Do not mess with your brother!" She exclaimed sharply. "Training is very serious for a shinobi," she paused,"although, for you, that is not something to be worried about," there was a tone of bitterness in her voice. For a moment her eyes seemed to measure me and I thought, just a second, I saw an accusatory glimpse in them. She shook her head and turned to him. "Ne-chan, Behave! Pay attention to your elders! This is a big step. Make me proud...!"

I stood still. Shinobi? What was that? The word was unfamiliar, though that wasn't the first time I heard it. It puzzled me. Although I had learned the basics of the foreign language relatively early, from time to time, there were words I didn't know. There is a limit of vocabulary you can learn when they talk to you like you were a little girl … Well, like the one-year-old I was.

"What is a shinobi, Daddy?" I asked trying to get his attention by tugging at the fabric of his trousers. He looked at me for an instant with the same strange expression that he drew every time I said or did something unexpected. I must have been a pretty odd baby.

"A shinobi is a ninja, my little lotus," he finally said. He smiled, taking me in his arms."A warrior specially trained in unorthodox forms of combat, unlike the samurai, and the manipulation of chakra. As a member of the Clan, like your mother and I, Neji has to work hard to become one and so fulfill his duty to protect the main house."

"Ninja?" I repeated incredulously, my voice may have gone up eighth in the end. My mind went blank.

"You know, baka!" Gurgled Neji," as in the stories."

As in the stories... Indeed.

In which crazy family had I landed ? And when? Because the concept of ninja ... did _not_ precisely fit in the modern Japan where I had assumed I lived, however traditionalist my family might be. Was I reborn in the past? An absurd hypothesis, but being reborn in another body was something I wouldn't have believed if It had not happened to me personally. At that point, I was willing to accept almost anything as possible if sufficient evidence was given.

And if so ... In what time were we? Although I doubted that the knowledge would be of some use. My only approach to the Nipponese culture was through its architecture and having read some manga or novels loosely set there. Frankly, not very helpful.

I had to start paying attention. Open my eyes. I was not where I thought I was. I knew absolutely nothing about the world outside those four walls, and that had to change.

I was so preoccupied with my sudden personal crisis that I barely registered the fact that my father had left me on the floor with a somewhat bewildered expression, before taking Neji and going out mumbling something about being late.

I stayed there, lost in thought, until my mother decided that enough was enough and took me out from my reverie by the neck, practically dragging me to the children´s room. Where, as usual, I stayed locked up while she performed her many chores.

But this time, there was no older brother to distract me and I had a lot on my mind, too much to plan.

The key was how to get the information. Naturally, merely asking was simply out of the question. What kind of one year old girl asks her parents about the era they live in or what is the political situation? Which got me thinking, to what extent was my behavior according to my age? Truthfully, until then I hadn't stopped to consider it. My only role model was a more than a year older, hardly a help at this age. Chances were, but for the attitude of my mother, who mostly ignored me, and, by the fact that my father usually left after breakfast not returning home before dinner, I might have been in serious trouble.

In any case, that did not help me in my present situation. Ideally, I should wait and start my practical research when I had reached a more reasonable age. Five years old, maybe? I think that's when I learned to read the other time around. It would be safer. In the meanwhile, I could pay attention to the conversations, even children stories. Names, places... whatever, any details that might shed light to my circumstances.

But the prospect of having to wait _years_ for answers. That did _not_ sit well with me. Did I mention that patience was not one of my virtues?

Quite simply, that was not an option.

Several times, though it was a part of the house that was forbidden, had I glimpsed a room with walls full of books. Now, my fingers itched to get hold of one.

I made a plan, it may not have been the best or even the most realistic one, but a plan none the less. I would learn to read. I would learn and then I would sneak in the library while my father and Neji were out and she, distracted. Then, I would start fishing for anwers.

To kill time I picked a color and a paper roll and started a list of topics that I sould investigate but, I found a little problem. My fingers refused to cooperate.

In my past life, my skill with the pencil, pen, paintbrush or anything to paint with, was my pride. Drawing was one of the few things I could say I was good. Now. Just. No.

So, at lunch time, I was found sulking in a corner because the damn wax refused to collaborate. Idly trying to intimidate it into compliance by glaring.

The situation must have had something humorous, because my father chuckled when he saw me. To my surprise, the whole family met at noon. During the meal, _Ne-chan_ entertained us with his adventures in the morning.

So I learned many things. For starters, our clan was apparently divided into the main house and the branch house. We belonged to the latter of the two. Although I had no idea what that might mean, it seemed important.

The above clan was rather bigger than I previously thought, and much more than my little family. There were at least another 5 or 6 children where they had taken Neji, about his age or slightly older, all our cousins to some degree.

That night, at story-time I was determined to put the first part of my plan in motion. Learning to read by following with the finger the signs and trying to link them with sounds that corresponded.

Ha! Deluded me.

If it had been a system similar to the western alphabet maybe, just maybe, I would have had a chance, as it was? No way!

I had good eyes, I suspect that far better than before. I've always had a good photographic memory, but not to this point. It was easy to identify the different signs and remember them, even though I had never had contact with the Japanese writing and some characters were so similar that they should have seemed the same. I clearly could see every line, every nuance, distinguishing and recalling them without apparent effort. However, simply memorizing didn't help them making any sense. Several of them could have several meanings from the context, some seemed to represent phonemes and not concepts or vice verse. Finding a pattern, the reason why was one rather than another, was something that eluded me.

The material I could work with was limited too. At my disposal there were only children's books full of illustrations and one or two simple sentences per page. Learning them by heart was a beginning, but for my goal, not very helpful.

Although I spent hours and hours I seemed stuck. Finding someone willing to sit with me and read more often was not easy. My mother was too busy to waste time that way and well, my father did what he could, being often away for days and even when he was home there where two of us.

One night, I decided to take matter in my own hands and sneak into the book room. I didn't know exactly what that would accomplish, but I was frustrated. I escaped from my futon and maneuver carefully to avoid waking up Neji. A curious brother was the last thing I needed during my little tour.

Fortunately, it was a warm autumn night and they had left the doors half open, because I don't think I would have been able to move one of those shoji panels, let alone without waking the whole household. And there they were! Excited, I approached the nearest shelf. To my exasperation, even though the shelves were low, I could barely reach the first one. I tried to grab one of the closest volumes but I scarcely touched it.

Annoyed, I pulled a bit too hard and the book fell to the ground with a thud. For an instant I stayed frozen in place, too afraid to even breathe.

After a moment, seeing that nothing happened, I took it and walked over to the window to examine it more clearly.

It was a large volume, almost my size. The cover seemed made of leather. To my surprise there were drawings inside, hands making rare signs and an outline of the human body which indicated a kind circulatory system, one that could not be the circulatory system. It showed a lot of small points in the strangest places. The label mentioned something like doors or openings. Astonished, I closed it and tried to decipher the title. It must be... yes, I was almost certain that...

"Don't you think that a treaty of ninjutsu is a bit advanced for you, Little Lotus?"

I jumped in very undignified manner. As I turned I saw my father standing there, looking at me amused. I had not heard him coming. As always, he had approached without making the slightest sound.

"Can you tell what is haunting that little head of yours?" He continued smiling, but there was speculation in his eyes. He lifted me and rushed to return the book to its place. "You should be sleeping,"his tone turned serious, "Hikai, you shouldn't be here. Some of these books are dangerous. Bad! These can hurt you! Never come here alone!" He repeated with emphasis.

"Not sleepy! I was bored!" Blurted, looking for a plausible excuse.

He shook his head and took me to my room, this time making sure to close the door firmly behind him.

For a while, I noticed that my parents were watching me more carefully than before and the room remained always closed, not that I had any intention of repeating my little stunt. To my relief, there were no major consequences for the incident, but more than once I caught him looking at me oddly.

Nothing meaningful happened until the end of autumn. The day I left the house for the first time it dawned cold and gray. Vapor clouds formed with each breath. The air came so cold that it hurt. Early in the morning a dense fog enveloped everything. In the yard the grass was still wet from the frost last night.

Although no one told us anything, it soon became apparent that something was different. My mother showed up wearing a formal kimono instead one of her komon, which she used to wear daily. Instead of being a pale pink or honey tone, the background color was black, much more sober.  
Small evenly distributed patterns that had usually decorated the clothing she wore had been replaced by the plain color. With her long black hair tied in the back of her head she was...

"Mama! You are pretty!" Twittered Neji.

"Today is a very important occasion, Ne-chan. Come, we all have to get dressed!" She said cheerfully, forcing us into our best clothes.

For Neji, that meant a simple, plain black kimono, much like what my father was wearing, black silk with five kamons smooth chest, shoulders and back, very formal. Mine, a cream and red yukata. There was too much fabric and it was extremely uncomfortable, with sleeves of totally unreasonable length. Why was I not allowed to dress as Neji did? With patience and not a few laughs I was told that _it would be inappropriate for a little girl_.

As we arrived at the doorstep every thought about my clothes was forgotten. My neck did not move fast enough for me to cover everything.  
I discovered that our humble abode was only one of many. The clan compound was a vast area including, besides the houses, large fields, many aimed at training of all kinds. Being able to accommodate several hundred people, It was a small village in itself. In the center, the position more strategically defensible, was the main house mansion.

There was where we were heading.

Traditionally, It was not a custom to celebrate birthdays, except the first one, which was special for being the first, to be grateful for having reached it with health. I remember mine. Only my parents were present. My mother prepared mochi (a rice paste cake) wrapped it in a furoshiki that (the typical bag formed by tying the ends of a square piece of fabric ) putting it in my back. Apparently, they put it on the baby´s back to wish him a life so full of health and he would never be without food.

For the heir to the clan this was different. On the 27 of December, just one year after the birth of Hinata-sama, was when the next generation of the main house was officially presented to the Clan. It was a ceremony of great importance and required the assistance of every member present at the village.

The main house state stood out from the others by its size and construction. It was just magnificent. The simple and elegant lines of the buildings were austere but of a rare beauty. One thing I noticed was that although similar, the style didn't match my idea of Japanese architecture. There were elements that for me were foreign, I frowned confused.

In front of the main door there was a large space where the crowd seemed to meet. Interestingly, all attendees dressed alike. The same black clothes and the forehead covered. Both men and women, young or old, only in the children under a certain age that changed and all, without exception, had the same pale eyes of my family.

As soon as we arrived, we should pay our respects as it was appropriate. We headed for the tables, my father with Neji ahead, my mother and I following them closely. Two men and a woman with their backs to us highlighted notably by their attire. Instead of wearing black clothes like the rest, they wore light colors. She was small and petite, with bluish black hair loose reaching below the waist, the man in the left was shorter and appeared to be older, with graying hair, but it was the man in the middle who called my attention. He was tall, with dark hair like the others, but something about him, an air, a way he moved was awfully familiar.

I tried to catch a glimpse of his face when we were in front of them but the my father form hided it.

"Congratulations, Hiashi-sama, Hikari-sama. Hinata-sama is already one year old," said my father bowing slightly to the man. I noticed that his arms had a girl about my age, maybe younger. She seemed very shy and had her face hidden in the crook of his neck.

"Indeed," the elder spoke, his tone was as severe as his face. His eyes were cold. Curious, like the other two, his forehead was bare. "Shall she grow strong and healthy, worthy of her Hyuga blood." He looked at me."Not like that disgrace of yours, Hizashi."

From where I was I saw my father's shoulders stiffen at his remark.

"Father..." A warning note in the voice. For a moment I thought it was my father who had spoken. "Hizashi, is that Hikai?" The same voice continued in a conciliatory tone.

My father nodded and stood back. For a moment I froze. I thought I saw double. The same silver eyes, the same high cheekbones, the same brow, the same nose... An identical copy of Hizashi Hyuga. Oh! There were some differences, maybe the brow were somewhat more marked, as if furrowed more often, and my father's face might be slightly sharper, but the resemblance was obvious...

"She despite of her... disadvantage she seems to be a bright child" The man appraised trying to ease the tension without much success.

"She is" my father answered almost gritting his teeth. "You don't Know how"

"I'm sure, brother. Such a pity... " He muttered. He looked at Neji and his face brightened "And Neji-Kun, I hear you've started your training," Neji nodded shyly.  
The man returned to my father. "Hoheto, is very satisfied with his progress. You must be proud of him. They have grown a lot since the last time I saw them."

"I know, and I am. I'm proud of them both." His smile was somewhat forced.

After a short exchange of pleasantries, my mother grabbed Neji and me and led us to another table, around which there were other women with young children.

Throughout the celebration I could not look away from the main table, where the two of them were. He, with the bearing of one who was used to command and be obeyed, and my father, always a few steps behind as some pale shadow. Light and dark. Main house and Branch house. So similar and jet so diferent.

That was the first time I saw Hiashi Hyuga, my uncle, my father's twin brother, the head of the clan. Little did I know then, the importance he would have in my life.

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A new chapter, thanks to my wonderful beta. I hope you enjoy it!

As always, you can look in my deviantart profile to see some fanart.

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	3. Chapter 2

Title: Towards the Sun

Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion

Note from author: inspired in Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen.

I dont own naruto

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Perhaps life is just that... a dream and a fear.

Joseph Conrad (1857-1924) British novelist.

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That night I could not sleep.

My mind returned again and again to what had happened hours before. The festivities had lasted all day. On the way home, the only one really lively was Neji, who seemed not to be aware of the general mood while chattering about the fireworks, the people and the food. My mother smiled and nodded but it was obvious that her mind was elsewhere. My father, taciturn, had not said a word since we had left.

"Well children, it's late and it's bedtime." My mother declared shortly after arriving.

"You won't read a... story to us, daddy? " Neji asked stifling a yawn.

"No, Ne-chan. Today was a long day. Your father is tired. " She answered as she tried to put the pajama top over his head.

"But he always reads to us." He continued ignoring her. "Won't you, Daddy?"

My father, who until then had his back to us, turned to him.

"No, Neji," he said quietly. "Not today."

"But…"

"I said no!" He shouted, alarming us all. Neji stepped back with eyes wide open. My father never raised his voice.

Hizashi leaned on the wall and sighed. He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands.

"I'm sorry child. I'm too tired now. Tomorrow. " He muttered before leaving the room.

My brother nodded numbly and did not insist any more. My mother tucked us in and hurried after him. Soon after we heard voices. I turned to my brother's futon, he was also awake. I closed my eyes and tried to conjure the sleep that refused to come

The events of the day were too much for me. For starters, my preconceptions of the world around me were shattered. Now I was not even sure if I was in Japan at all, present or past. Oh! There were many similarities, starting with the language, from the style of the houses to clothing. Within our compound, in spite of the houses having some foreign elements in their construction They could pass as a traditional Japanese village. But. for a moment, beyond the walls delimiting it I saw a very different type of buildings.

While some roofs were similar, the only building you could find in medieval Japan with so many floors would be a medieval castle, a fortress or something equally monumental. What I had seen had all the earmarks of being flats. They were not the typical modern construction either. It was nothing similar to what I ever saw.

I felt lost.

The relative feeling of safety I had found in believing to know vaguely where I was now gone. I had been deprived of it.

Nor could I forget the attitude of the clan towards me and my parents' reactions. The eyes full of pity or contempt, as if ... I did something very wrong or was some kind of victim... Was I really a disgrace to the family? Why? I was not old enough to have committed some felony. I just couldn't understand. It could not be by my parents, they were respected at least. Neji obviously was not whatever I was, but rather the opposite. Even the head of the clan had praised him in public.

It could not be for being male as the heir of the clan was a girl my own age. Despite all this my status had become very clear. It not only by the harsh comments of the old man ... Was he my grandfather? The man had called him father and addressed my father as brother. If I was her granddaughter then why ...?

And there was something I Hiashi-sama expresion... was it pity?

I shook my head, frustrated. Too many unanswered questions. I thought that I would find out that some answers when I got out but I found only more puzzles. There was nothing I could do but wait and see what happened.

I hated it.

During the hard winter I resumed my little project to make me literate, but I was unable to just move forward. I had reached a point where, alone, I could not go on.

After winter, spring arrived.

It started as a simple flu. A cold, typical of the time of the year in which we were. It was quite normal to be sick in the first days of spring. People with the good weather often went out dressed as if It was summer. Naturally, this was not a big problem for most, being shinobi, but it was for civilians. Unfortunately these conditions were highly contagious. As a result, a high percentage of the population, regardless of their occupation, ended up being victims of this annoying setback.

My clan was no exception. That year we all went through that stage. The first was Neji, who must have caught it of one the children with whom he trained with. The older ones went to the academy and, as every school, it was a hotbed of germs. Next to fall was my father. One positive thing was that having to stay home during those days meant we saw more of him, on the other hand, not that he was in high spirits. If it's funny to see an almost three years old child sulking about having to stay in bed for a couple of days, seeing a man in his thirties doing the same thing was downright ridiculous. A little more and my mother would have had to tie him to avoid his escape. Fortunately both my mother and I only suffered a simple sore throat, though hers did not seem to disappear completely.

With the good weather Neji began to spend more time in training, not just the few hours in morning he spent before. Apparently, despite just becoming a three year old, recently Hoheto-sensei had already seen fit to begin teaching him the basics of Juken, the combat style of our clan. My mother was very proud of him. Even my father began to employ more time with him. During the evenings Neji demonstrated what he had learned that day and father corrected, commented and gave him advice.

I admit I felt quite jealous and, much to my regret, I missed _Ne-chan _a little bit_. _As irritating and annoying as he was, the brat! Not that I longed for our fighting or our discussions, I just had gotten used to him. Humans can get used to almost anything.

Maybe my father noticed that I felt a little displaced, or for any other reason, but on the 10th of August, although it was not celebrated in any special way, he gave me the best birthday present he could have thought of. He began actively teaching reading to Neji, and therefore me.

It started with games. Matching drawings with symbols or identifying the sign with the correct drawing was one of them. My father made us compete with each other. That added it interest and made Neji learn quickly as he couldn't let his baby sister win at every turn. To my joy, he advanced very fast, and apparently a good photographic memory was a family trait.

All the cards were handmade. Watching my father work, sitting on the floor with his kimono sleeves gathered to avoid staining was quite a spectacle. With his bamboo brush and Chinese ink on rice paper he created true works of art. Each stroke simple and delicate. Simply beautiful.

To my delight, when he saw that I showed some interest he was more than willing to let me try. Neji, naturally as one would expect, couldn't be less and we were soon each with their brush and their own piece of paper. My father did not know what he had done.

"Top down before." He said taking me in his lap and guiding my hand. "Left before right." Continued. "From side to side before crossing" My brother and I were so intensely looking that we barely blinked. He smiled.

"Now me! Now me!" exclaimed Neji. Still smiling, he sat Neji next to me and continued.

"From the center to the sides and from outside to inside. Always in a square. Now you."

Excited we got down to work, but we soon realized that the thing was not as easy as it looked. When my father tried his hand was fast and accurate, however for us it was ridiculously difficult to make a single line without filling the role of ink droplets or, achieving it, not blotting it all. Somewhat frustrated after several attempts I looked up and took a look at how Neji was doing. Apparently my brother did not have much more success than me. It was beginning to form a stack of stained papers by his side. _Ne-chan_ seemed deliciously concentrated, frowning slightly tongue out, eyes without leaving the paper. I smiled slowly.

I wet my brush and, with a quick movement, I drew a line on his cheek. Interestingly, my best attempt thus far.

Neji looked up with wide eyes. His gaze on me, the brush and from the brush to me. Before I could defend myself I found myself with a nice tattoo all over my nose. I let out a battle cry. That was was war! Our battle began laughing.

My father looked at us funny.

"Children, do not think ..." He said calling our attention trying not to laugh. That was his mistake. We exchanged a look as Neji and I wielded our weapons. To our surprise, before the first drop of ink fell on his person, his energy just flickered and he disappeared in a small beam of smoke. Almost immediately I sensed his presence behind me at a safe distance. I looked at him stunned but before anyone could say anything my mother burst into the room.

She looked at us up and down noticing the ink stains on the floor, our clothes, face and hands. She was livid when he turned to my father.

"Hizashi! Can you explain what are you're doing? " She smiled. It was not a pleasant smile.

"Just was teaching them to use a brush…" My father mumbled.

"Ah! I understand." Her voice was soft, but underneath there was an edge sharp as steel. "And that requires filling the floor, walls and clothing of ink ?

"They are starting. You cannot expect their first time to be perfect." He shrugged sheepishly.

"Hizashi!" That one was a scream. "No-" She was suddenly interrupted by an attack of dry cough that came from her throat.

My father looked worriedly at her and approached her. She shook her head feebly trying to reassure him but kept coughing.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "You should go see a medic. This is not normal."

"Yes." She said, once recovered. "Do not worry..." She stopped, staring at the hand with which she had covered her mouth and tried to hide it. He grabbed her wrist and examined it. His face darkened.

"Neji, why do not you take your sister with you and go to wash up?" He said trying to smile and failing miserably. That worried me even more. "Your mother and me to have to talk things over" something in his voice was off.

Neji doubted for a moment before getting a hold of my hand and do what he was told. He may only be three years old but it was obvious to everyone in the room the sudden change. Something was incredibly wrong. I was too shocked to resist. I was almost sure I saw a glimpse of red in my mother's hand…

He dragged me to the bathroom. I cleaned the ink stains from my face and hands, my entire body was like an automaton, trying to process what had happened. When we left and reached the hall, we heard voices.

"... How long have you been like this?" A silence in reply. "Please tell me that not since the beginning of Spring." Was a desperate note in the voice of my father.

"And You hid it from me, why?"

"I know how worried you've been lately, by the clan, for the children. The tension between you and your brother and father... The last thing you needed was one more concern, especially for a simple cold that took some time to heal. "

"This is not a cold. I'll get Tadashi-sensei."

"Hizashi."

Ignoring her, my father jerked off the door and stormed out the room only to stop to see us standing in the hallway.

"What is it, Daddy?" I asked uncertainty.

"Mama is sick?" Neji said in a whisper, barely audible.

"Nothing. It's nothing, I just leaving a moment. Stay in your room and, Neji, take care of your sister." Again the same smile.

Neji nodded and we stayed in our room, waiting like obedient children. After a while, we heard him return followed by Tadashi Hyuga. Spying from the door, we saw them pass heading towards the room of my parents.

Tadashi-sensei was a friendly man advanced in years, wiry and of short stature. His brown hair had some gray around the temples and his dark kind eyes were surrounded by wrinkles. He was a medic-ninja of some standing who had married my mother´s elder sister, giving up his last name to become part of the clan, with all that that entailed. Now a widower with a teenage daughter, he was retired from his post at the Konoha hospital but many clansmen still came to him – preferring being seen by him than by a stranger. Since my furthest memory, he was who my family always relied on, only going to the hospital for the serious issues.

Neji and I waited in silence what it seemed like hours while the three adults were locked in the other room. Finally, with the sound of a door opening, we stood up and exchanged a look. The sound of two pairs of steps trailing away to the main door was all that followed.

Concerned and frustrated by not being able to find out what was happening I approached the window. From our room on the second floor you could see the courtyard and the front door. After a few moments the figures of my father and the doctor appeared on the doorstep. I tried opening the window, hoping to hear something of the conversation but was too high for me even standing on a chair. It was Neji who appeared behind me who, through stretching, could open it.

The breeze carried snatches of conversation.

"... If that's what I think it is there is nothing I can do. I'm sorry."

"There must be something …"

"Hizashi! This goes out of my area of expertise. I'm just a modest retired physician. You have to take her to hospital. I have neither the means nor the knowledge to properly diagnose. You need a specialist."

"I understand. Thank you for coming."

"Do not mention it. You know if you need something, anything, you can turn to us. My house is always open to you. Hotaro-san will be more than willing to stay with her grandchildren as long as necessary. "

"Thank you. Truthfully, thank you. "

"So, so do I tell them to prepare the bags and come?"

"Please. At least for tonight." He nodded before leaving. I saw the two figures disappear from view, one through door, the other, inside the house.

Soon after, my father came to fetch us. He approached and knelt beside us to be on the same eye-level. He took our hands in his and looked at each one of us in the eyes for a long time before speaking.

"Tadashi-sensei came to see your mother because she is sick." He said.  
"Like when I had the flu?" My brother asked in a trembling voice.

"Yes, Neji. Like when you were ill," He answered with a sad smile. "I'm going to take your mother to the hospital to get her well." He continued seriously. "I do not know how long I will be out but your grandmother will come to take care of yourselves meanwhile, okay?" He paused and we nodded.

"Good," he mumbled to himself. "Hotaro-san will soon be here. I want you to behave. "

Hotaro-san was my maternal grandmother, who apparently I had met when I was young but that I don't recall ever seeing. However, I knew that my mother took Neji to see her from time to time after training.

My father picked up some things that they might need if my mother was to spend more than a night in the hospital, until someone called to the door. I bit my lip trying to calm my apprehension.

The newcomer was a tall, thin, severe-looking woman. She moved in an unhurried, regal way. There was a quiet dignity and grace in each gesture despite her years. Even just standing there she exuded a commanding presence. She was one of the tallest women I have ever seen, able to look my father in the eye. She was very different from my mother, who was small and petite. Intelligent, sharp eyes dominated a heart shaped face. She had very fair skin and lustrous black hair with a few grey streaks that was pinned up into an high bum. Her petite mouth and high cheekbones were the only features that reminded of her youngest daugther. She must have been a great beauty in her youth.

Her voice was clear and strong when she spoke in a warm soprano.

"Hizashi-san" She nodded in greeting.

"Hotaru-san" He responded in kind, while stepping aside to let her pass.

"Neji-kun and ... Hikai " She said looking at us. She lingered a few moments examining me, her face blank, before turning back to ask my father. "Where is my daughter?"

"Here, mother," said a voice behind us.

"Well, I stay with the children. You may go."

My father nodded.

My mother turned to us for a moment, "behave" She mouthed before leaving.

We were left alone with her.

"Well, it's almost dinner time. You cannot sit at table with those clothes " She interjected pointing the black spots that still adorned our Kimonos. "What do you waiting for? Come! " She said authoritatively to our hesitance

I soon realized that Hotaru-san, oba-san as she had insisted that we called her, was a woman as strict and with little patience for any nonsense as her appearance indicated. Her mere presence had something that commanded attention and made it clear that she was not someone whom to cross.

She make us change, wash our hands and finish all the food in our dishes before sending us straight to bed promptly without admitting complaint.

Needless to say, that although I felt exhausted, sleep was hard to obtain. It was the first time in my short life that I had gone to bed without feeling the presence of either of my parents at home. I not only missed the protective and soothing presence of my father who was absent at times, but also the familiar one of my mother. In their absence, there was a stranger, even if to some extent the signature could remind me of my mother´s, it was still an unknown. Beside me I could hear Neji spinning fitfully in his bed.

Suddenly I found myself alone in the dark. A darkness that was not only the absence of light, but something almost tangible, thick, suffocating and claustrophobic. I was alone and had to find them. I could feel them in front of me, my father, my mother, Neji, but I could not reach them.

As much I ran and shouted their names they remained getting away until finally all disappeared. Lost and anxious I stopped a moment before I felt the ground under my feet giving way. I awoke with the sensation of falling and took me a time to realize that I was in my bed and the shadows around me were my room and not a continuation of my nightmare. Because that was what had been, just a nightmare.

But when I looked towards my brothers futon and saw it empty, I started to panic. I closed my eyes trying to calm down and to think rationally. I took a breath and attempted to mentally look for my brother and to convince myself that it was all a silly dream. To my surprise I felt him very close.

Trembling and hesitant I threw the blanket aside and got up. As I turned to the window I saw him. He was sitting on the sill, wide awake, his face turned outward. The pale moonlight that filtered through the window illuminated his small form curled in a ball, his hands clasping his ankles, the chin resting on his knees. I must have made noise or he noticed me otherwise because he turned his head and looked at me. I stood there for a long time until he moved slightly to the side and turned his attention to what was beyond the glass. Without delay I crossed the space between us and got on the ledge with difficulties to curl up beside him. For a second I felt him stiffen before relaxing and leaning slightly on me.

We spent the night like that waiting for the morning and our parents' return.

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See: / lucife56 . deviantart art / Writting-311277873 and / lucife56 . deviantart art / Hotaru-san-312162670

Ah! I have to thank my two wonderful betas: BluebellsandLavender and hot chocolate mess

Without them this would not be possible


	4. Chapter 3

Title: Hyuga. Towards the Sun

Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion

I dont own naruto

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"Death ends a life, not a relationship."  
― Mitch Albom,

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Some time during the night I must have fallen asleep because I woke up in the same spot at the first lights. Beside me, Neji was still sleeping. Slowly, trying not bother him,I moved to change my position and relieve tension in the nape of the neck. _Someone must have come to __tuck __us in_I thought while I put away the blanket to get down from the window. Neji shifted. He blinked a few times and yawned before following me. I wondered if my parents had returned. After a moment I shook my head. The only ones that were in the house were the three of us.

After breakfast, Hotaru-san got ready to take my brother to his morning class.

"But Mama and Dad aren't back" Neji protested "It's Dad who always takes me to class!"

"Neji-kun, your father is not here now," she said with unexpected patience "It is your mother who accompany you when he isn't here, isn't she?"

"But Mama isn't here either!"

"Precisely. So it's me who has to take you. You are not a baby any more. You cannot always depend on your parents. In a few years you will start the academy. A shinobi must fend for himself and not depend on anyone for others to be able to depend on him. Didn't your father tell you to take care of your sister?

He nodded and frowned thoughtfully.

"What if they come back and we're not here?"

"Well, then you will see them at lunchtime" She sounded amused "Do not let your hopes up though."

Without another word my brother concentrated again onhis plate and, after finishing it, he jumped out of his cushion and ran upstairs to get his things.

We were both left alone in the kitchen. I was finishing the last bites of my rice ball and Hotaruwas picking the crockery when we heard a loud knock upstairs followed by several muffled sounds. We exchanged glances.

Seeing that there was no cry for help we followed with what we had at hand. After a while we heard another round of noise.

With an exasperated sigh she left everything and held out her hand.

"Come, little one" She said. "Let's get your brother before he destroys the house."

Upon arriving at the threshold of our room I could not help but smile at the image before us. My brother was standing on a table and several piles of clothes trying to get to the upper door of the cupboard. How the table had got there I had no idea, but the blankets, pillows and cushions that served asa staircase came clearly from the cabinet. The trail of clothes betrayed him. I think more than half of my wardrobe and much of Neji´s was spilled on the floor.

For her credit, Hotaru-san just shook her head. "Can you tell me what you think you're doing?"

"I have to get my pouch!"

"Indeed" She said unimpressed "And you could not have called for me to get it when it's obvious that you can`t"

"A shinobi must be independent" Neji said in all seriousness. I bit my lip trying not to laugh. This was simply too much. Hotaru-san looked at us both and raised an eyebrow.

"A shinobi must also know how to ask for help when needed." She said putting him on the floor before he hurt himself. "You will pick up this mess later. Now get ready. We'll be late "

We left home at least a quarter of an hour later than normal. To my surprise and delight, my grandmother instead of locking me into our room as my mother used to do,she took me with them.

Despite the circumstances I felt excited. I was genuinely curious. I wanted to see where Neji trained. Because despite how much my brother talked about it I have never been there. I had just turned two years old, the same age at which he began and I supposed that my turn would come soon.

The road seemed familiar. We went to the same place where we celebrated the birthday of Hinata-sama. The dojo was not far, barely a couple of blocks away. It was a pretty big building, somewhat isolated from the nearest houses and surrounded by land with trees and even a small pond. I figured that they would serve as training grounds.

As we approached I could hear voices inside, a male voice giving instructions and occasionally a chorus of children's voices answering. The class had already started. Neji stopped at the door and hesitated, fearing perhaps that he was interrupting. Hotaru-san had no such qualms and did not hesitate to run the shoji screen open and push my brother in. There was silence inside. I peered from behind the kimono my grandmother what was wearing.

Neji stood awkwardly while a tall man approached towards us with a frown. Behind him, a dozen children of all ages, from two years to at least ten, threw us curious glances.

"You're late, Neji!"The man began to scold him. "Class has already started and you interrupted. It is a serious lack of respect to me and to your classmates. I hope you have a good explanation. "

"I'm sorry, Hoheto-sensei, but …"

"Due to a family problem my daughter and my son-in-law were absent so I had to accompany my grandson. I apologize for the intrusion" She interrupted.

"Ho-Hotaru-san!" He sputtered

"Ah! Hoheto-kun. You are Ko's boy, are you not? How is the old fart? "She said examining him.

"Yes, m'an! Well, m'an.! '

"Good. I regret exceedingly the delay and disruption, hope I have not caused great inconvenience "

"Absolutely not!" He hastened to assure little nervous. At that moment I realized that despite his severe appearance, thanks to its sharp face and hair in a high ponytail, Hoheto-sensei was quite young. He couldn´t be more than 20 years old.

"I´m glad to see you lad but we should leave and not bother you anymore. Give my greetings to your father."

He nodded eagerly and seemed relieved when we took our leave.

Neji sent us a last glance before he joined the clas

A few steps up the pavilion my grandmother shook her head.

"I knew that boy since he was born, and his father long before. We went to the academy together." She paused. I swear I saw an amused twinkle in her eyes. "He is always a bit ... jumpy around me. I have no idea why. "

_Oh! I think I could imagine a few,_I thought. Naturally, I said nothing.

She stopped and pulled out what looked like a piece of paper from the pocket of her yukata and scanned it for a few seconds. "Your mother left me a list of what to buy. Come! We have to go to the market. Hurry or only we only would get the remnants!"

I stared for a moment as if she doubted my ears and I found myself grinning like an idiot.

I would see beyond the walls around our compound! For a moment I forgot the reason why we were here, my concern about what might be happening at that moment in the hospital. I felt like an explorer in the wild, with a new world at my feet just waiting to be discovered. We had barely a couple of streets away from the door of the compound when I began to notice subtle differences, which became more apparent as we drove away. The houses began to grow in height, structures, shapes and even the predominant colors were brighter and diverse. It soon became apparent that, as expected, the town could not be pigeonhole into any known category. I was walking into the unknown.

Rather than scare me, as expected, I felt elated. It was exiting! Stop trying to analyze every feature, every disagreement, and just start to take notice and enjoy the novelty! After touring several narrow streets we finally came across an open space. A wide street, crowded, stretched on one side and the other. On both sides of the street and in the middle were numerous stalls. I blinked a few times. It was overwhelming.

They were so different... and there were so many … Long ago I had realized that each person had their own energy signature, unique and recognizable. The different members of a family used to have a similarly leave, especially if the relationship was close, like Hotaru and my mother. There were always differences, sometimes subtle and others not so much, but until then I had always found a pattern. A number of features they all had in common. At least that was what happened within the clan.

It was not the case here. Some were more intense, more easily identified while others were so faint that I had to be close to feel them. Like a candle around a campfire. In the streets around me should not be even half of people gathered on the heiress´ birthday and, though I was younger and my sixth sense was not as developed, I was certain that the differences were not so abysmal. In fact, half of the time trying to match what I was sensing with what I saw the result made no sense. After watching my father, my mother, Neji and others, I had concluded that "intensity" should increase with age. But I had just crossed with an adult whose presence did not stand more than my brother´s. It was disconcerting.

I further observed that some people failed to wear the head protector I knew my father for. It was true that some people must have known to hide or mask it, making it look weaker. More than once I caught my father doing it and I'm pretty sure it was something he could do at will. However I do not think that was the case. That ability seemed something out of someone with training and, in most cases, it was showed neither in form, appearance nor movements. _Maybe it had something to do with being shinobi_, I mused. I had no idea what it entailed to be a ninja but perhaps had something related.

After a while I started noticing that indeed the adults who were not wearing the protector with the symbol of the village were the most tenuous, mere civilians. With children It was more difficult to decide, the differences were minor and there was no way of knowing who was being trained or who was not. But even among the few shinobi we encountered only a bunch seemed to be at the level of my clansmen. Not only in strength but they lacked that sense of control, A certain finesse which was absent. Their patterns were erratic. Their energy spiked constantly. It was chaotic!

Instead two men with whom we met struck me precisely the opposite. They were wilder but so wright! Their signatures were strong, stronger than most. Something in them cried respect. People are subtly separated from their path. Maybe it had to do with the uniform. They wore a green vest over dark clothes. The pants came up to just below the knee and shins were covered with bandages. Again those weird sandals, so popular, that seemed more like boots if not for the openings at the toes and sometimes on the heel. Both were tall with dark hair and eyes. Despite their blank faces and delicate features, almost aristocratic, there was something in his eyes, a ferocity in those onyx orbs that compelled caution. The eldest wore a large scar from the jaw to the temple and in the other´s shoulder hanged what looked like a katana. _They are dangerous_, I thought eying them warily. They passed us without paying much attention, just by throwing a sidelong glance before continuing.

"It's rude to stare." Hotaru said. "They are Uchiha." She signaled the red and white fan which they held in their backs. "Another clan. They manage the police of Konoha. If you are lucky, you may never have to deal with them."

I nodded before following her into one of the stalls. For a while we went in and out of a number of shops. As she watched, appreciated and haggled prices I observed unobtrusively to the passersby. The fashion sense of the place was very peculiar. In contrast to the pale or black kimonos that were favored in my clan for the occasion, many people wore what could only be described as western clothes. Each with colors and styles so disparate that itwas surprising; Isaw a woman with only an orange skirt and a coat over a top mesh, a man dressed in a way that the only part which his clothes didn't cover were his eyes, which were hidden behind sunglasses.

Although most had oriental features, I thought I saw a blond man with a girl with the same hair talking to a redheaded ninja noticeably bigger. I even caught a glance of a woman with purple hair and another girl with pink hair. I got the impression that none was dyed. I shrugged. That I was pretty sure our eyes -so pale and with a tiny pupil that at first glance would be nonexistent- were considered unnerving by most. I wondered if any of the different traits or forms of dress were not only personal preferences or genetic radon result but something representative of a clan. Konoha had several.

When we finally found the last item in the list and came home after picking up my brother I was exhausted. It had been interesting but without my father to take me , even long before reaching the compound my feet were killing me.

Arriving home I could not hide a look of disappointment. The house was empty. My brother rushed to the door and, without even taking out his shoes, ran. From the outside we could hear his footsteps through the whole house. Before we left the hall he came down the aisle, Muttered something about Hoheto-sensei and practice and went out again. Hotaru-san's eyes followed him but said nothing.

Somewhat hesitant about what I was supposed to do, I followed her to the kitchen. As she undid the package and began to prepare the meal I sat in a corner.

I stayed there a long time. The sound of steel hitting the wood was all that broke the silence - chas, chas, chas.- The movement of the knife to slice vegetables was hypnotic.

I staredat the vacuum trying to concentrate on what I had seen and further develop some of my crazy theories to entertain myself. After all, the only people who are bored are those lacking imagination. The trouble was that back home my fears seemed to have returned as well. Despite my attempts to abstract They slipped under my guard and appeared at the forefront of my mind. Ifelt silly and selfish. All that time I was so immersed in my petty worries that I didn't realized what it was under my nose ... The image of that red substance on her hand haunted me.

Coughing up blood. No need to be a doctor to know that was not a good sign. I tightened my grip around my ankles and rested my chin on my knees. I wondered what they wouldbe doing, if they knew anything or if they would be back soon. In hospitals you know when you walk in but you never know when or if you're going out.

Soon my grandmother's voice interrupted my musings. Lunch was ready. We ate quickly and quietly. Neji had to go up to our room and, under the watchful eye of our grandmother, sort everything. Sitting and watching him work without having to move one finger really lifted my spirits. The glares that he sent me from time to time just made it more fun.

Neji later returned to the dojo. For me, the evening passed unnoticed. At that point I was jealous. He at least had something to do instead of waiting and waiting ... I just sulked. After finishing with the housework Hotaru-san tried to cheer me up. It was annoying. I was in no mood to slip in my happy and childish persona. Moreover, at that time I had at my disposal an adult with her entire attention focused on me. I smirked. It would be a sin not to use it.

With determination I got up and brought my father's cards. "Teach me, please" I asked solemnly. She seemed dumbfounded but nodded. We had a fun time until it was time to pick up my brother.

After dinner, when Neji had already left the table, she saw me sitting idly and called my name. "Come here, little one." I looked at her, surprised. "Will you help?"She asked softly. "You can go drying dishes I wash. See? Like that. Now you." She held the rag. With a frown I began to manipulate the piece of tableware striving to keep it from falling. It was tricky. It was smooth, wet and slippery, too big for my little hands.

I almost _did _drop it when I felt it. My grandmother looked sharply at me and I took it out of hand. I smiled. "Daddy is back! Daddy is back! "Neji burst in with a smile from ear to ear, literally bouncing, followed closely by my father. He looked weary and seeing us, only made a tired smile before dropping into a cushion.

"What took you so long?" Jumped Neji. "Where's Mama?"

"Quiet, child! Let him get settled." She scolded gently.

"It's alright" My father sighed distractedly before accepting the cup of tea that she held. "Neji, mama has to stay in the hospital a while to heal."

"But when is she coming back?" Neji insisted

Hizashi paused, he seemed at a loss for words "Child ... I. .. I don `t know. It will take time. "

"Tomorrow?"

He smiled, "I'm afraid not so soon."

Neji frowned. Before he could say anything Hotaru silenced him with a look. "Hizashi-san, spending the whole day in the hospital you should be starving." She placed on the table a plate of what remained of dinner.

"Thank you."

At the request of our grandmother, we let him eat in silence and they dismissed us shortly after telling us it was bedtime. Naturally neither was sleepy so when we heard both adults go down Neji looked at me and gestured from his futon. I nodded and stood up. I followed him without a second thought. We sat at the foot of the stairs. Close enough to hear the conversation and far enough to give us time to go back to the room if we were to be discovered.

"What did the doctors say?"

"Nothing! They don't know anything yet! I spent all day waiting while they pricked and connected her to Kami knows how many devices and the only thing they told me is that they have to do more tests!"

"So it will take long?"

He snorted, "So they say"

"What are you going to do?"

"I dont`t know. If it Is what they fear ... I do not know. Maybe I should ask leave of duty. I could afford it..."

"With the present situation They will not give it to you. All jonin available are needed. And the clan wouldn`t allow it either"

"I_know._Hiashi_-sama_put it very clearly"

She signed. "I feared as much. For the children know that everything is settled. They are my grandchildren, I'll stay as long as it takes. Tadashi is a grown man and Kou is already a genin. They don't need me any longer."

"And I thank you. But that's not the point. "His voice was rising." They need me! She needs me! Here, not away on mission! If he just..." A pause. "I'm sorry. Today has been a long day, I should retire. "

"Yes, I should as well".

We heard as they rose and went up the stairs. Before either of them reached the top floor my brother and I were huddled under blankets.

The following days were stranger. Stranger in the sense that they were ... How to say… Incredibly normal. In a sense, the only difference was the presence of Hotaru-san, who seemed to have replaced my mother. It established a new routine that over time began to seem more real.

My father was seldom at home. Just as always he left at breakfast and arrived before dinner was provided if he wasn't sent on amission. In that small space of time she spent with us my grandmother was away to spend time with our mother. We didn't go see her. We were not allowed and that didn't sit well at all with my brother. It wasn't the first time that he said so.

"Neji! Your mother is sick. You want her to get better, do you not?"My father snapped once, after hearing again and again the same questions and demands. He was stressed and his temper those days was short.

"Yes but-"

"But nothing!" father interrupted."She has to rest!"

"You always go to see her!" Neji complained.

"The hospital is no place for children!" Father retorted.

"I want to see mama!" Neji persisted so much that father looked very uncomfortable.

"And you will!" he sighed. "But not now"

"Really?" Neji asked, lightening up.

"Yes. When she is a little better I will take you and your sister to see her." He finally declared to appease him.

"You promise?"

"I promise" he said solemnly.

But the promised visit did not take place any time sooner.

Meanwhile, life went on. I soon realized that living with Hotaru-san was very different than to live with my mother. While the second pretty much left me to my own devices, the first never took me out of her sight. I accompanied her shopping and helped with some of the simplest tasks. In fact she encouraged me to try. Even one day she appeared with a mop and a broom my size to play with them. She was a strict teacher but not bad. She put much effort into the rules and order, both for me and for Neji. Her punishments were always perform some useful task and for a specific purpose, always within reason for such young children. More than once my brother and I werepicking or cleaning some mess - with some help - or standing, facing each into a corner after a quarrel. The last thing, considering our relationship, happened often.

Despite this she had no qualms if we needed help or asked questions. It would not be the first time my brother, in the absence of my father, came to her with doubts related to his training. For my part, I decided to use it and my grandmother soon became a versatile source of information. She did not treat me like a little girl.

I remember one day we came back from the market, this time by a different route. We went through the side of a playground. I could only stare. I smiled. It was nostalgic. Swings, slides or the lit sand box may well belong to another world. One that some time ago I would have called home.

"Do you want to go?" She asked as she realized what I was watching. "We have time."

For a moment I observed the children. There was a group of more or less my age playing in the sandbox. A little further, older children, maybe 6 or 7 years old, aged enough to go to the academy. They were playing ... ninja? The one seemed boring and messy and the other I was still too small. I shook my head.

"Who are they?" I asked to change the subject, pointing out the huge heads carved on the mountain which overlooked the village. The truth was that this was something I wanted to ask for a long time.

_The resemblance __with __Mount Rushmore was uncanny._

"The faces on the side? They are the Hokages." She said. "The leaders of the village since its formation. They are the strongest of their generation. Each of the five great Hidden Villages has its own kage. The Hokage of Konohagakure. The Kazekage of Sunagakure. The Mizukage of Kirigakure. The Raikage of Kumogakure. The Tsuchikage of Iwagakure."

"Shadows. Why shadows?" I mused.

Shelookedat me a moment and then laughed. "We, ninja, have a little melodramatic streak. They are the leaders in the shadows, on par With The Lords of the five countries. Look! Those are the First and the Second, the Senju Brothers. The third, Known as the Professor or the Shinobi God, the current Hokage. Finally the fourth, the Yellow Flash."

"Did you meet them all?" I asked innocently.

"How old do you think I am?" She frowned. I shrugged. "The fact is... that yes, I did. I was just a girl when the First passed away but I remember seeing him once or twice." She Smiled "The Second was the one who gave the speech during my graduation and the Third, he is only a few years older than me. I remember him as a mere genin and I served more than once under his command during the war. The Fourth was elected when I was retired but everybody knew of him even If they did not know him."

"Why is the third in charge and not the fourth?" The incongruence in the numbers more than obvious.

"He died" A pause. "Shortly after you were born there was an attack. Namikaze Minato sacrificed himself to save Konoha."

"Why not appoint a fifth?"

"After ...the attack, the situation was, and still is, difficult. A leader was needed. The fourth was a young man, just recently elected and nobody thought that he would die so soon. With two of the Sannin gone and another unwilling there was not anybody to step forward and take the mantle of Hokage. So Sarutobi, like many others, was forced to come out of retirement.

He reclaimed the job because he was the default leader. He gave the job to Minato because he acknowledged him as stronger. When Minato died, he took the job up again.

I nodded thoughtfully, seeing it make sense now.

That same day, a little later, in the courtyard Neji was practicing some moves that his instructor had taught the previous day. So I went and I stared at him. It wasn't the first time he did so but before I never paid much attention. When Neji had spoken that Hoheto-sensei already considered skilled enough to teach some of the Juken kata I had imagined it to be akin to karate. To my surprise there was not a marked rhythm and his movements lacked the strength and power I expected. He moved from one position to another smoothly, everything was fluid, smooth, almost like a dance. It was beautiful.

Stunned, I began to mimic him almost without thinking. Neji looked at me for a moment but continued without stopping or acknowledge my presence otherwise. I smiled, typical of my brother. We should be quite a sight. Neji, each posture running almost perfectly and I behind, awkward and tentative. The only reason we were more or less coordinated was because I was a copycat, courtesy of my ballet days, the only way I would survive, as my musical ear was and remains zero.

"Not so!" My brother snapped at a given time. "You have to separate more arms and seize the moment to turn" His tone annoyed and repetitive, I do not know why but I got the impression that someone had repeated that many times to him.

"Well, you do it that way"

"No. Watch! "He said getting in position again and repeating, step by step, the spin, exactly the same.

"Oh! Like that "I smiled, imitating him.

"No! not So! "He exclaimed, starting to get angry. "Look!" Insisted once again exaggerating much every pose. I suspect that was the time that it was closest to the correct implementation.

"So?" I laughed. He was so easy to pull his leg but he never took it well.

"Hikai!_Baka_!" He cried and pulled my hair.

"_Ne-chan_! Idiot!" I shouted lounging over him.

Hotaru-san had to split us and we spent the next hour staring at the wall, to the amusement of my father to came and found us in that guise.

Even so from that moment I began to watch my brother when he trained. Although at first he protested, I think that deep down he loved an audience and seeing me mess up when trying copy him. _Show off_!

My father seemed upset when he heard but my grandmother encouraged it. During that week my father made an announcement. The four of us were having dinner when he left his chopsticks on the table and looked at us. "Today I talked to the doctors and they told me that starting tomorrow you can go visit your mother." He said. Neji was elated. I did not know what to say.

When the time came, I was not anxious but a bit uneasy.

I've never liked hospitals. It isn't the white walls, ceilings and floors, so impersonal, so cold. Neither the antiseptic smell masking the one of decay and disease. It's something in the air, something tight. As if time stopped every time you enter. I hate it.

In any case, when my father took us to her room I could not shake that feeling. Instead Neji didn't seem affected at all. He was... Happy. Happy to be there, happy to see her again.

Around us the bewildering mix of tradition and modernity. Certainly you could not find what they say modern computers around but it reminded me of those old movies of the 50s or 60s maybe. The use of technology was curious in this place.

We toured much of the hospital before arriving at our destination, the wing of residents. Apparently she was not going to get out of complex any time soon. When we approached the door my father stopped and made us pay attention.

"Your mother is eager to see you, so as you to her, but she is not well yet. She needs rest so don't be loud and try not to tire her too much, understood?"

We nodded.

He smiled and opened the door. Neji, grinning from ear to ear, hurried after him taking my hand and pulling me with him. Both stayed frozen in the doorway.

The room, in the same white and gray tones than the rest of the building was quite large, even though there was only one bed. The only touch of color gave the faded green curtains that framed the single window. It was a relatively large gap through which you could see much of the village, the Hokage tower and the monument of the mountain.

But it wasn't the sad atmosphere of the place what made us stop. It wasn't even the multiple devices arranged around the bed. What shocked us was the woman in the same bed. She was reclining on a couple of pillows with a book in her hands. At the sound of the door opening she looked up, saw us and smiled

For a moment I did not recognize her and turned to scan the room in search other one but other than her room was empty. "Mama?" Neji asked uncertain.

"Ne-chan! Mama is so happy to see you!" To hear her voice was charm. When the woman left the book down and opened his arms in a clear invitation Neji then released me and unhesitatingly crossed the distance between them.

I could only stare dumfounded.

The woman I remembered and the one I had my eyes on did not seem to be the same person. It had been only a few months since the last time I had seen her but might well have been decades. I remembered her silken raven hair so long, always tied in a neat bun. Now it hung just to her shoulders dull and lifeless. Despite the smile that graced her face the only sign of life was a suspicious twinkle in her sunken eyes.

My mother had always been a small and petite woman but in the short time outside home she must have lost at least 10 kilos. Reclining in the shed with a bed gown several sizes too big. She looked almost... fragile. In someone like her, despite all that could be said about her, she had always been a strong and energetic woman. It seemed alien. It was just wrong.

I felt a hand on my back and looked up, startled.

"You will not say hi to your mother, Little Lotus?" My father said with a encouraging smile. There was an understanding look in his eyes. I nodded and I approached the bed. I stood a little awkwardly behind Neji not sure what to do or say while he was devoted to recounting everything that happened in the time she was out.

"Well, it's time to go." My father interrupted after a while. "Your mother has to rest".

We parted with a brief hug and left.

These visits were repeated several times during the following weeks. In fact, my mother must have been improving because in early December doctors let her go home a few days. It appeared that everything was getting better. When my mother came home Hotaru-san moved from the guest room which had previously occupied to the room next to my parents´. Caring for my mother stole a lot of her time and she could not look after us properly so she recruited my cousin that had just arrived from a long-term mission.

Just one day she appeared at the door and, after talking with Hotaru-san, she grabbed us and tookus outside.

"Hey, kids! Grandmother thought you could use some company! I'm Kou, your cousin. Do you want to play?"

She was incredibly easygoing and rather clumsy to be a ninja. Apparently this was the only daughter of Tadashi-sensei and my mother´s the elder sister. The truth is she didn't physically resemble his father, but rather Hotaru-san, despite being his polar opposite in personality. Maybe it was because she was very young. She was just a genin and could not be more than twelve or thirteen. Without much experience one might think. The scar across half her face from the bridge of the nose down to jaw denied it.

Soon having her babysitting us became a custom, especially in the evenings when my brother had already come from the dojo.

There came one day when I was bored. Kou-chan that day was busy with her team and both my mother and my grandmother were inside with Tadashi-sensei. My father had been gone a few days on a mission. I found my brother sitting on the porch in the lotus position. His eyes were closed, his brow furrowed in a frown. He seemed very focused.

"What are you doing?" He ignored me. I watched for a moment and sat close. "It's a little boring, right?" I said after a while.

Neji opened one eye and looked at me. "Shut up! Hoheto-sensei says we have to meditate. It is very important to exercise both mind and body and finding inner balance. Besides, this is how you can unlock your chakra."

"So. .. What do you have to do?"

"You have to leave your mind blank, concentrate and feel the flow of chakra in your body"

"Chakra?"

"Duh!_The body's vital energy essential for any jutsu, a mixture of physical energy and spiritual energy." _He recited as if it were the most obvious of the world.

I shrugged and mimicked him. I had nothing better to do. I closed my eyes. Mind blank, free of any emotion, any thought. It was easier said than done. I frowned and tried to concentrate. Of course nothing happened. I felt the same. I sensed the same energy in my body, in Neji and everything around us. Just like always. No new mystical revelation.

A little irked that a three-year-old boy could do something I couldn't, I asked:

"How do you do it?"

A pause. "I don` t know. "Neji turned to me and shrugged." What sensei did was just being still with his eyes closed"

I stared at him baffled. He smiled. I chuckled. We started laughing. We were children and we were happy.

The appearance of my grandmother put a end to it.

"Your mother isn't feeling well. I have to take her to hospital and you are going with me. Be ready."

We looked at each other. As one, we stood up and run after her.

I do not remember much of the trip, but what I remember was waiting for what seemed like hours sitting next to my brother in one of the corridors until Hotaru-san came and told us that we were going home and our mother had to stay there. The next morning was my cousin who brought Neji to class and spent all morning with me. My grandmother had left shortly after breakfast to the hospital. Kou attempted to keep us distracted but it was obvious that something big was happening.

At dusk Tadashi-sensei and Hotaru returned home. Despite this none would answer our questions. They sent us to bed early. The second day we just saw Kou. She sat down to read us a story but from time to time she stopped to cast glances at the door, as if waiting for something. Finally a cat appeared from nowhere and headed straight to my cousin.

"Hotaru-chan sent me to tell you that Its time. She wants to see them." He said before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

I blinked, not sure if I was seen things. Kou must have noticed my look because she smiled.

"It was one of Grandmother's summons." She simply said. "Aunt wants to see you. Come, We have to hurry."

I wanted to say something, to ask questions but I didn't. It was just not the moment. In fact, I didn't matter. When we got there Hotaru-san was waiting for us. She waved while talking to a man dressed in white.

"... I can not agree. The patient is in a very delicate ... "

"She's their mother." Her voice was quiet but she was enraged. I never saw her like that before. "You're going to deny a mother seeing her children? She just want to see them again once more. You said that there is nothing that could worsen her condition. So just give me one reason to deny my daughter ... "

"Grandmother?" Inerrupted Kou "What's going on? I brought the children. We came as soon we can. "

"Good." My grandmother said. " Now Medic-san, step aside so I can take my grandchildren to see my daughter."

He flinched at her tone but finally relented and let us enter in the room. "Now child, They are here." She smiled to the woman in the bed and turned to us. "Come, You have say goodbye".

"Why?" Ask Neji. "Mama is going somewhere?"

She smiled sadly. "Yes, Neji. she is going somewhere."

"She can't! I don't want her to leave."

"I don't want it either but sometimes, that does not matter."

"Hizashi?" A feeble voice interrupted.

"He is not here, my child"

"Mother?"

"Yes. Hikai and Neji too"

She looked at us. She smiled. But she didn't see us. "Ne-chan! My little boy! My precious child... I'm so proud. Mama loves you so much... " She only saw Neji. Her voice became fainter. She closed her eyes and suddenly a strange sound came from one of the devices. Several people in white got in and someone pushed us to the corridor

"Sorry, you have to leave the room."

"Mama? MAMA!" Neji yelled.

"Ssh, ssh" Hotaru tried to quiet him, to no avail. She hugged him.

We waited.

I don't know how long I spent there sitting in my grandmother´s lap squeezing tightly Neji´s hand until he arrived.

My father had returned from his mission. He must have come there without pause because he was still wearing his uniform and his clothes were stained with the dust of the road.

"Daddy!"

"DADDY!"

We ran to him and were caught in a fierce embrace.

"I here. I´m here now" I heard his voice muffled in my hair.

"Hizashi-san." I didn't noticed my grandmother approaching.

He stood up with us still in his arms and looked at her searching for something, anything. She shook her head. He closed his eyes. I felt his grip tightening. There was some movement in the room. They exchanged glances and then she acquiesced with a gesture. Without a word he left us in the floor and went in. None of the white figures tried to stop him.

,

My father came out to the corridor in a trance, moving like a sleepwalker. He leaned against the wall and let himself slide to the floor. He looked up without really seeing anything. I saw something in his face that I would never have expected to find there. It shocked me to the core. He looked ... lost

"She is gone".

His voice was but a whisper.

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	5. Chapter 4

Title: Hyuga. Towards the Sun

Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion

I dont own naruto

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"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." ― Robert Frost

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Death is not something alien to our world. In fact it is commonplace, almost part of the daily life. The mortality rate is high in our line of work. Trained killers since the age of twelve if they were lucky enough not to begun earlier, many ninja who graduate in the Academy did not reach their twentieth birthday. She had been twenty five. Older and too young at the same time. Hyuga women left active duty in their teens, after reaching the rank of chunin, when they married. It was the men who were most probable to die young, but in the end, like so many things, that matters little.

The funeral was barely a few days later. This time there was a body to cremate though. That meant several additional rituals. Our clan, like most of the shinobi ones, followed the old ways. We, as the closest living family, were expected to participate. Children or not.

The day after they took her home. Despite being full of people the house was disturbingly quiet. My grandmother and other women locked themselves in the main rooms. Following the traditions they washed and prepared her. We didn't see our father more than a few minutes each time. There were too many matters which required his attention. I suspect some of them involved Tadashi-sensei and sake. It was our cousin who kept an eye on us. As a mere genin, she was considered a still a child to participate as a grown woman so she babysit us. Not that it was some hard issue. We were too subdued to cause any sort of trouble.

With the shadows of the night the house began to boil with new activity. Hotaru-san appeared in the threshold of our room. She didn't wear one of her bright kimonos. It was black. The piece of cloth in her brow was missing. She wore the village hitai-ate. She made us change in black clothes too. They were not the typical formal kimonos. They were mourning clothes and I couldn´t stop thinking that there was some intrinsically wrong with children wearing them. They looked so wrong in Neji. She led us downstairs. At the end of the stairs she stopped. From behind the shoji screens the light and the murmurs of conversation traveled to the dark corridor.

"My daughter's body is behind that door, the body of your mother. Tomorrow is the funeral. Tonight we gather to watch her passage to the next world." She said. "You can go in or not. I am not going to force you. "

"Mama is there?" Hope. There was hope in his eyes when Neji asked.

"No, Neji. She is gone. Inside there is only her body."

"Where is she now? When will she come back?"

"She won't," Hotaru responded shortly.

"She must! She is my Mama! She has to come back!"

"Neji! She isn't coming back because she can't! She is dead!"

"No!" He shouted "I want to see her!" He stepped forward and slid the door open. "She is not gone! She is here!"

"Neji!" It was my voice, sounding devastated and hurt; it was my hand keeping him in place. He looked at me. He took my hand and we entered together. Inside were many people. I knew most of them but some I did not. Three, two men and a woman although ninja, were not Hyuga but I could see Tadashi-sensei, Kou, and Hiashi-sama was there too. Hiashi wore black like everybody else. He was sitting next to my father who was also inside and pulled us on his lap. My grandmother sat on our other side.

She was in the middle of the room. They dressed her in a pale kimono. The Kimono being wrapped in the opposite manner of a living person. She was surrounded by candles, incense, offering rice, and other items that are supposed to put the spirit of the dead at ease. She looked so small, so young, like a little girl. It was a cruel joke but she seemed healthier than in life, calm, at peace.

"She isn't waking up, is she?" My brother finally said. I think he wanted, he hopped, to be corrected.

"No. She is not asleep. She is dead. She doesn't breath, she doesn't move and she never will." It was my father who answered.

"Why?"

The adults looked at us and, for a moment, no one said anything. Hizashi closed his eyes and said shortly, "I don't know."

Neji sniffed and buried his face in his neck. My father only held us tightly. There were no tears, no sobs. It was not our way. The men drank sake and they all talked. The night was spent in quiet conversation. I learned more about my mother than ever before. They talked about her childhood, about her kunoichi days. The two strangers, the two men, had been her genin team. For the first time I could picture her as more than the housewife I knew. Hearing them I could almost see her in a mission, as a real ninja. But the woman I was imagining was more like a character of a story than a real person. It was strange, and it was sad.

At some point they also read something called sutras. Now, at my young age I could hardly begin to understand what sutras were. I opened myself to ask what was happening but Neji beat me to it.

"Father," he said almost formally and politely, a characteristic I did not know Neji for before then. "What's happening?"

My father, Hizashi, took a deep breath and I could tell he was going to go into a long explanation of what was happening. In short, this was a form of storytelling.

He began, "It is believed that our world, the world of the living, known _Konoyo_-the world over here- exists along with the world where the spirits of the dead dwell which is known as _Anoyo_- the world over there-. The last one is supposed to be a final destination, but it's very flexible in it's location and proximity to the world of the living. In the past, when someone was asked to describe the location of_Anoyo_they would say it lay beyond those mountains, beyond that forest, or beyond that river. So, in effect, while the world of the dead was separate from the living world it really lay just beyond our grasp, but still nearby.

"Many great ninja would be entranced with their relation and how to travel between them. The legends of immortality or revival jutsu where proof enough.

While some talked of a word for a middle ground between them (Sonoyo), in our tradition that place did not exist, so a spirit of the dead is either located in the _Konoyo _or the _Anoyo._When a person dies and the proper death rites are performed it can take her spirit up to 49 days to make the journey to the world of the dead. If the spirit of the recently deceased feels that it has unfinished obligations or desires in the living world, the spirit can appear as a ghost until it's issues are resolved in a proper manner.

"Every person from the moment of their birth carries a burden of obligation called _On _and this is a very complicated concept to explain. The person receives _On _from their parents who nurtured and loved them, from the love their younger and older siblings give them, from the learning and guidance their teachers and instructors bestowed on them, and from the clan, the village or any other limitless number of people that the living person receives love and help from. With _that obligation _comes the requirement that the person is aware of it, and the requirement that the person respond in kind to repay it.

"Some kinds of _On _debts are called _Guri_, and _Gur_i debts can be repaid through hard work, gifts, money, or volunteer work equal to the help received. But, the most difficult _On _debts to repay are the debts owed to family, very close friends, ancestors, the Clan, and they are called _Gimu _debts. Him or her from the beginning receives so much love and nurturing from family and very close friends that the person is in a constant state of debt to those people. They wear this burden their whole life, one is constantly trying the repay this debt, and has an understanding that while they're repaying this debt they'll never be able to fully repay others for all the love and support they received during their lives.

"It´s said _"The fullest repayment of these obligations is still no more than partial, and there is no time limit."_When a person dies, he or she dies with _Gimu _that can no longer repaid and also, all the living family and friends are aware of their unpaid debt towards the deceased. That is the reason of the existence of the rites."

We were repaying our debts.

I wondered if it was true. I wondered if she would be born again in another world like what happened to me. I wondered if all of it wasn't just my imagination. Maybe it was just some illusion that my mind had crafted either before or after my own death, or the accident. I hoped it was true but I stopped that line of thought. In the end it didn't matter. I would never know.

A few hours before sunrise, my brother felt asleep. Hizashi took us to our room and, to my surprise, I slept too. It was nearly midday when they woke us up. We ate a short meal in the kitchen before getting ready for the funeral. It was a sunny day, cold as it should be at the 23 of December but a sunny one none the less. The ceremony was held in the clan grounds. It was short and it was simple. Hiashi-sama, as the clan head presided most of it.

Her body was placed in a coffin with the head facing north. This direction is considered to be bad luck so almost no living person would sleep with their head to the north. Next to the body was an offering of rice with one or two chopsticks standing in the upright position, that was a lunch for the deceased to eat on their journey to the other side, and the chopsticks' position tells the deceased that they're now not among the living.

I think that they said something, some speech but to be honest for the life of me I could not remember the words. What I remember was Neji asking if it would hurt her when she wasburned and my grandmother explaining that she wouldn't feel anything anymore. Not the cold, not the hunger nor the flames.

I stood at Neji s side as still and stiff as the rest of the attendants. Again nobody cried. Not my father, not my grandmother, not even Neji. Grieving was done stoically in public. We were shinobi. We were Hyuga.

At the end, when the people left, only Tadashi-sensei and Kou remained. Hiashi-sama stood at my father's side. He didn't say anything but he didn't leave with his wife and his father, he accompanied his brother home. When Hotaru-san led us to bed, while Tadashi-sensei and my cousin stayed in the kitchen, I saw through the window both of them outside and I felt grateful. My father was not alone.

I remained awake a long time. For his breathing I knew that Neji was awake too. I heard him moving. He got up and exited the room. I followed him. I saw my father sitting on the porch. Neji was standing there barefoot, still crunching tightly his little blanket. He looked up and caught my brother in his arms. I saw him moving his lips muttering something, soothing Neji. He trembled. He was crying too.

Hiashi-sama stood a few steps behind. He looked above them and held my gaze. In that moment there was a sort of kinship between us. I think he felt the same as me, like an intruder. Like witnessing something too intimate, something we had no right to see. I knew that if I were to go there that embrace would include me but... They were grieving and I wasn't. I couldn't.

I walked away from the door and, as quietly as I had arrived, I retraced my steps back getting in my bed again. I lied there with my eyes open staring to thee ceiling.

Never in my short life nor in my memories, had I lost someone close. I didn't know what to feel but I was sure it was not that. My mother, the woman who had given birth to me, who had washed and fed me, changed my diapers... Who had taken care of me for two years had died and I felt... Nothing.

I closed my eyes. In my mind, I went back to relive those last moments in the hospital. I looked for some heartache, pain, something, anything, in vain. It came to my mind the image of my father and Neji in the yard. I wanted to laugh. I chuckled, and broke into open laughing. There was no joy or amusement in the sound but I couldn't help myself. What kind of unnatural daughter was I? Not only I did not feel anything but my family was suffering, I was needed and I was unable even to accompany them. I was a monster.

I sensed them approaching. My father carried Neji. He was asleep. He left him gently on the futon and turned to me. I raised my head and looked at him. He sat next to me and patted my head. For a moment we remained silent. After a while he tucked me in and he left. I felt hollow, empty.

With the first lights, something wet fell to my arm. I touched my cheek. A tear.

I felt relief.

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It is shorter than I intended and it took much more time than I thought, but in the end I hope that the delay was worth it.


	6. Chapter 5

Title: Hyuga. Towards the Sun

Summary: Life is not fair, life is not easy, even less for a Hyuga. Self insertion

I dont own naruto

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A happy family is but an earlier heaven.

George Bernard Shaw

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The next days passed like a blur, almost surreal. It was unnerving how things changed and yet it remained the same. There was emptiness those bleak weeks but the mechanics, the routine stayed the same. If it wasn't for the melancholy that reigned in the house she still could have just been away.

I was worried about my brother. He became clingy. He didn't want to be left alone. He stuck himself to my father or Hotaru. He whined and complained for anything and everything. It was an obvious call for attention, a call that went unheard for the most part. Even though my father stayed at home he didn't have much time for us. He locked himself in his room or in the study. I suppose that I could understand. He needed time. Until then, his role was outside, doing his duty to the clan and the village. Now he had two toddlers in his hands, the perspective to be a single parent should have being more than daunting. I think he felt lost, just as much we were, Neji and me. Too bad that Neji needed his father. I felt useless, I didn't know how to help. It was my grandmother who took charge of the situation. Bless her. Hotaru showed more strength than I thought possible. She practically managed to look after the three of us and keep the house running single handedly.

When my grandmother decided that it was time came to carry on with our lives, things didn't get any easier. She was right off course, it wouldn't be healthy to keep going like that. More than a month passed and Hotaru insisted that my brother should continue training and stop moping. He didn't want to go. She almost had to drag him. That didn't sit well with my father at all and they had a row over the breakfast table.

"If he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to. Don't force him!" He almost shouted. Those days his temper was short. He could change very fast from his usual despondent state to serious bouts of rage if provoked. The inverse was also true.

"Hizashi-san, the sooner he resumes it, the better for him. It will give him a sense of normalcy."

He snorted "Normalcy! As if it was possible. And what is the matter? It is just one day."

"If you let him stay home today, tomorrow he won't want to go either!"

"He has gone through enough already! If the boy wants to stay home a couple of days he will!"

"So, you will let him hide here as long as he pleases wallowing in shelf-pity?!" I didn't believe they were talking just about Neji anymore."You are not doing him any favors!"

It just escalated from there. At the end Hotaru just turned around and went out. Disregarding him she took my brother with her, leaving me alone with a Hizashi in a very foul mood. I was lucky my father wasn't the kind of man to take it out on me. In fact once they left he seemed to deflate and just looked sad and tired but not angry. Not with me or anybody else, but perhaps himself.

I looked at him. Maybe the first time I really looked since _It _happened. He seemed gaunt and worn. I thought he had lost more weight as his kimono hung too loose on him. In spite of his usual unpolluted state, an unkempt stubble darkened his cheeks while the shadows under his eyes talked of long nights and little sleep. Neither of us slept well.

It started just a few nights after _It_. I was sound asleep when something woke me. I blinked confused, and looked around. The house was quiet and everything appeared normal but...Yes, there it was again! I heard it! A feeble whimper, but it was the soul-breaching scream that followed what jolted me fully awake. I jumped out of bed, my heartbeat echoing in my ears while looking for the source of the chilling sound.

My brother was curled in a tight ball, the mantle a formless bundle pushed away in his trashing. He was dreaming, I could see his pupils moving under his eyelids.

The doors burst open. My father spent only a moment to take in the situation before shaking him. Neji awoke screaming.

"Just a dream, Neji. Just a dream." He muttered cradling him in his arms.

Neji sobbed. "I don't wanna die!"

Hizashi looked startled. "Neji! You are not going to!"

"Mama did!"

"But you wont." He smiled. "Not in many years. You don't have to be afraid, Neji. I'm here and wont let any harm come to you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"But I don't want you to die, daddy!"

Hizashi just hugged him. This time he didn't make any promises. I thought that it ended there but the next night and the following ones,the nightmares continued. So did our sleep deprived nights.

This situation seemed to get to my father, most of the time he was passive, like he didn't even have the energy to care. Like then, he just remained sitting there, lost in his own thoughts until my grandmother returned. She gave him a look of disapproval as it was clear that he had not even moved from his spot. If he was aware of it he didn't show.

"Come, child." She called reaching for my hand. "We have to go to the market. Food doesn't get purchased by itself." I bit my lip and threw one last look at my father and then I followed her.

When we came back he was nowhere to be seen. I didn't have much time to wonder though. Hotaru kept herself busy and as her appointed little assistant she did the same with me. She was of a mind that work helped to sharpen the character and prevent your mind to wander for unsavory paths. When she talked about it,it sounded as if she knew from her own experience. If it was her way to cope, it worked for me too. Somewhat helping her with the housework -I'm sure I was more a nuisance than an asset- was relaxing and comforting in a sense. I had something to do rather than feel inutile and sulk.

At his return, Neji was much more animated. Even if he hadn't wanted to go to the dojo it appeared to have done some good. He chatted cheerfully all the way back about Hoheto-sensei, his classmates and the lessons of the day. He had to train at home he said, to regain the time lost. That's what he did that evening, meditate. I was a bit bewildered and quite curious as to why was meditating was such an important thing. I have to say that my brother had an astonishing discipline to remain still so long.

My father didn't appear for dinner. I wasn't concerned as I knew that he was more than capable to take care of himself but it was odd. I didn't see him until the next morning. I couldn't help but to stare. He was cleanly shaved, his long hair tied in the back of his head in a low ponytail, clad in his uniform with the village´s forehead protector firmly covering his brow. We all knew what it meant.

"You are leaving." I blurted. I looked at his vest. He wouldn't wear his complete uniform if he wasn't.

"Yes, I have a few hours before I meet my squad." He answered.

"I don't want you to go!" Neji said his eyes wide with fear. Mother was gone and now Father would be soon.

"It is my duty, son." He didn't even try to soothe him.

"When are you supposed to return?" Hotaru asked, her voice emotionless.

"We should be here by the end of the summer." He said.

"By the end of the summer...More than six months..." She murmured. We were barely at the middle of February. "You are going out in a long-term mission, now?"

"Hokage`s orders" Hizashi simply said.

Hotaru remained silent as there wasn't anything she could say at that but her glare made clear that she was itching to give him a piece of her mind. Neji looked wildly from one to another but was ignored.

"It will be alright" I said. I should have sounded surer than I felt because Neji looked at me and nodded.

"I will protect you." He stated seriously.

"You should, Neji. You will be the man of the house while I am away." Hizashi said.

My brother stood straight and tried to be brave. "I will, father!" (

Grandmother looked as if she has just swallowed a lemon. When she saw me looking at her she recomposed her usual blank face. Up until today I don't know if he was ordered to leave or if he actually requested the mission, I never asked. Whatever it was,it was too sudden, no explanation, no time. I couldn't shake the impression that after been frozen so long things began to move too faster too soon.

I suppose that I could describe how things evolved from there, how his absence affected us all, how difficult it was for my brother to fight off the feeling of abandonment and put a brave front as the elder sibling should, but I won't. I will only say that winter we stopped being babies.

I changed too I guess. I set aside all my elucubrations about my situation. My wild guesses made up for my own amusement. It didn't feel so important. I didn't have the luxury or the inclination to continue to live in a world inside my own mind. Life was too short to spent dreaming. Maybe everything was for the best. My father needed the change and whatever happened we were still children and children can only be sad for so long. There were too many new interesting things to be so.

In the early days of my second spring something quite shocking happened. Neji, my three-year-old brother became aware of his own chakra. It was a little past midday when Hotaru and I came by the pavilion;we were running a bit late and Neji was the only boy still waiting to be picked up. He was sitting in the front stairs with his instructor. They seemed engrossed in their talk but when he looked up and saw us he smiled wide and ran to meet us.

"Grandmother! Hikai! Look! Look what I can do!" He shouted.

He showed us his hands. I felt a subtle shift and they started to glow.

Hotaru was flabbergasted. "Neji you..."

"He can manipulate his chakra." Hoheto-sensei had approached us while Neji performed the little trick. "He unlocked it early this morning, ma´m. By now, as you saw, he can channel it through his hands." He smirked, looking very pleased with himself. "He showed so much progress that I felt he was ready for the next step. He proved me right."

"I see." She seemed to shake off her surprise and frowned. "Neji, do you feel all right?" My brother, confused nodded. She looked at the Chunnin."May I have a word, young man?"

Her tone erased the smirk in the Chunnin´slips. "Of course."

"Children, stay there. I will return in a moment. And Neji, don't even think about repeating that! If you do I will know."

They went inside and I immediately I nudged Neji, ready to demand answers to the flurry of questions I had. "What did you do?"

He smiled with superiority "I used my chakra. I was not supposed to until I´m much older. Sensei said so."

"But..." The realization hit me. "The energy!"

"It is called _chakra_, silly. Not _energy_."

I paid him no mind. Chakra! Off course! How couldn't I see it before?I spent more than two years sensing it, feeling it all around me, all the time and I couldn't even mach it with its name! It was a bit embarrassing when it was mentioned so freely in our house. It was real, something you could see, touch and control; not an abstract concept of some ninja philosophy as I had thought! I laughed.

Neji looked affronted. "Its pretty difficult. I had to work a lot! "

"You did?"

"Of course! Sensei made me meditate hours and hours! And I would have done sooner if you didn't bother me all the time!" I resented that! I didn't bother him! I just... made things more entertaining for both of us. Who wants to sit unmoving all day anyway? But that wasn't what irked me.

"You had to meditate to feel the energy?"

Neji scowled. "_Chakra. _And yes! You have to! None just do!"

But I did. If what I simply called energy was indeed chakra,I could sense it just a few weeks after my birth. I never talked about it to anybody because I thought that everybody was the same as me. That it was innate. I knew my parents and Grandmother could, I had thought that Neji too. I appeared to be wrong. Still,I had no time to ponder on it.

Grandmother returned. She was not very happy. Oh! She was proud of my brother and she let it show but I could tell that she was also worried. I knew why as soon as we arrived home and Neji wanted nothing more than to practice. She said, "No, Neji. This is no game. You will only when I'm present and I tell you to! It is dangerous. I don't know what that lad was thinking! Meditation is one thing but to actually teach a boy so young to access his chakra is madness! Prodigy or not! Do you know what could happen to you if you overdo? No? I will tell you. You can die! Chakra exhaustion is nothing to trifle with! You understand?"

A very good reason to not teach the serious training of our taijutsu or ninjutsu in general before six or seven. That was when our chakra reserves began to expand beyond the necessary to keep the body working, earlier than most but then again with the juken a greater reserves were needed, the advantage to being born in a clan. Neji nodded quickly. He seemed to be frightened and so was I.

"Good." She seemed satisfied. "Get ready, we are going to have lunch." She smiled. "Now that the harm has already been done I will teach you a thing or two later."

It was fascinating hearing her talking. She explained not only the concepts but how it worked. Keirakukei was the term for the channels in the body where the chakra travel and flows. It served the same function for the chakra as blood vessels for blood. Throughout chakra pathways, there were 361 points called Tenketsu that controlled the flow of chakra, as switches, and within eight gates there Tenketsu controlled body functions and voltage levels.

The chakra track system was trapped in the body and bodily organs such as blood vessels and played and interacted with all individual living cells and passed through all the organs. If the chakra flow to a section of the body was blocked that part of the body would not be able to release any chakra or to be moved either.

Chakra took time and a lot of training to develop gradually. Therefore, the key was not actually having chakra – as any live form has – but being able to control it and conserve enough. Everyone had it, but only an expert could properly "mold" and "manipulate" to its fullest extent.

The Chakra manipulation was the removal of the two types of energy in each cell of the body and the mind consciousness, then mixing them within the individual. The amount of each energy differed according to the type of art that you wanted to run. In other words, a ninja could create excess chakra as much as the particular technique required, which is that the chakra is used efficiently or not. Moreover, even if a ninja was able to mold the right amount of chakra, if they wasn't able to manipulate it properly, the desired technique wouldn't be as effective, or it wouldn't work at all. Wasting energy would hinder the ability of the ninja in battle, and in the long term it created weaknesses such as early exhaustion, which could be severe and in extreme cases, ultimate death.

Oh! But the things that were possible with chakra! To walk on water or climb a wall like you walk normally, to bend the elements to your will, to see trough solid objects, to create illusions, to enter another mind and even control it. It sounded like magic. Dangerous but entrancing. It was like the stories my father used to read us. I always thought they were just that, children tales but they ended having a didactic aim as well. A simple version of a tangible reality.

Then, she asked if we had any questions and Pandora´s box was opened. I think that I made her regret those words by the tenth inquire. It was strange though, the explanations were much more complex than they should be with children of our age as audience. I'm pretty sure that my brother didn't understand it all, the pictures helped – she used books and drawings as support, one of them awfully familiar – but I don't think he grasped everything.

Maybe it was my fault. I was a bit too curious and my tongue a bit too loose. There was one thing that worried me that I didn't mention. I didn't ask about my abnormal perception. There were too may odd things about me, I didn't want to expose one more. Hotaru was very cautious about the whole thing, while she had no qualms to talk about it she didn't allow Neji to tamper with it at home. Neji didn't complain. She inspired enough fear in my brother to assure that he would never try alone. I think he was more afraid of her than about what could happen but it worked nonetheless.

In my opinion he was not the only one. Neji related that, for a while, his instructor reemphasized in his katas and left any mention of chakra to theoretical classes. While he was not allowed to use it they worked with his perception. At the start my brother only had a vague notion of his own chakra, he wasn't aware of anything else. For me this was troubling, it only set me further apart.

It took some time before I could witness Hotaru´s first practical lesson. Hoheto-sensei suggested that Neji could also work at home. The graduation exams were approaching and there were two boys who would finish the academy that year. He had little time for anything else.

The lesson in itself was something as simple as a piece of paper. Anything that involved chakra could be used as a control exercise. In this case, the purpose was to stick it to your palm. A steady flow was what was needed, not too much as you would damage the sheet nor too little as it wouldn't hold on. Grandmother showed us how it was done before pointing my brother to proceed.

Neji fidgeted a little and looked at her nervously before steeling himself. He furrowed his brow focusing on the piece of paper in his right palm. I crawled to his side and looked at him expectantly. I waited and waited. Nothing happened. My brother frowned even more. It came like a rush. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I smiled. I could almost see it. How Neji´s chakra flowed through his little body to his hands and to the paper. It was a slow motion and a bit sloppy but he did it.

"That is too much, child." Grandmother said. "Use less or you will burn the paper."

Her sharp tone startled me. I looked at her and gasped. She was following Neji´s progress with great attention but it wasn't that what shocked me. She was using our bloodline and I have never seen something like it. Byakugan, when activated, resembled the effect of crack paths in the pupils, while all the veins around the eyes and temples are marked, as if they would burst out. I gaped at her. She paid no attention.

The piece of paper turned into ashes and Neji stared at his hands, eyes wide. He looked at us in askance as if he couldn't understand. Hotaru´s eyes twinkled, she was amused. That was the first of many. It seemed not as easy as it looked at the beginning. Hotaru was always watching, never letting Neji do it more than a few times a day. It was quite entertaining watching _Ne-chan _getting frustrated. He was too used to get everything at his first try but if anything could be said about my brother was that he was persistent. Stubborn. He never relented. Any difficulty was met as a challenge and Neji Hyuga never had lost one. This wouldn't be any different.

In a week more or less he was sticking himself to anything he came across, and succeeding. This emboldened him. He forgot all about the risk, he even tried to crawl up the wall once when Grandmother wasn't looking. He didn't reach more than two steps before being discovered. His little stunt took its toll. He spent the rest of the day sleeping and the two following weeks grounded. Very amusing for me, not pretty at all for him.

The sticking one was just the beginning. Hotaru started to propose new exercises as soon as the previous one was dominated, the list was endless and my brother caught them faster and faster. One of my favorites was the chakra strings. The concept sounded easy and my brother could create one soon enough but the problem was when there was more than one. When Hotaru showed us she made ten strings at a time, one from each finger to a different object and she played with them. She made it look easy.

Neji got a confused look at his third. He was able to move all of them at the same time, in the same direction but not individually. It looked like so much fun. Part of me was itching to try but at the same time... To be honest, I was afraid. Not only because of Hotaru´s warning, though I always kept that in mind, but the fear of being discovered. Grandmother seemed to have eyes in the back of her head even without the Byakugan. I was more than a year younger and I had received no training. I shouldn't be capable to feel it let alone anything else.

Despite everything, in the end my curiosity would outweigh my caution. Neji was out, training, Hotaru was in the kitchen and I was in the yard, alone. She wouldn't know, would she? I don't know how, but she did. I heard her voice even before I actually attempted anything. "What are you doing, little one?" I didn't answer and she continued sternly."How long, Hikai?"

_How long what? How long was I aware? How long I planned to practice alone? How long since I started?Always. Since the beginning. Not yet._

I said nothing of those. Instead, I asked,"Can I try?"

Hotaru looked at me for a long time and said nothing. Her eyes narrowed speculatively, as if weighing several options. "You can." She finally answered turning on the Byakugan."Try something simple, just channel a little chakra through your hand to make it glow. Do you understand what I'm talking about?"

I nodded. It sounded easy, I saw Neji do so many times. It couldn't be so hard, surely. He learned it in just a morning when it took him a week not to burn the thing. I was wrong. I could sense my chakra well enough but to have real control was a different thing all together. It was like trying to grasp water with open hands, it slipped through your fingers.

The admiration I had for Neji just increased. I clenched my teeth and tried again, and again. If Neji could so would I. My chakra flared, it spiked chaotically in any direction but the intended and Grandmother was watching like a hawk. It made me more nervous. Then, just for an instant, a second, I could. My right hand emitted a very faint glow, only perceptible if you were looking for it, but real. I smiled but I had no time to celebrate my little triumph. A sudden weigh of weakness hit me and I stopped.

"Girl! Are you in pain?!" Her voice came from far away. I felt her hand on my shoulders.

I shook my head and said, "Tired..."

"Well maybe is a bit too soon for you." There was relief in her voice. My eyes met hers and in spite of the urge I felt to just close them and sleep,I stared. I couldn't describe the expression in them, she was pleased but there was something more. Relief? Exhilaration? A sense of triumph? Something different? It was like she just confirmed a theory and she liked the results.

In any case it was clear that I wouldn't join my brother in his lessons any time soon. I was too young. She told me not to mention the little episode to anybody an I didn't. I didn't dwell much on it either. I had other pursuits in mind.

By the time I became three, I was able to read simple texts, with Hotaru´s help. Very simple ones mind you, but for me that was a great victory! Just a little more time and I would be ready to unravel the secrets that any book had to offer. On the other hand, with the end of the summer, Neji and I became restless. My father hadn't returned from his mission in the Lighting country. I worried. I would have lied if I said that we haven't counted the days since the first. I had entertained the secret hope that he would be here for my birthday if not for Neji´s. Even if we didn't celebrate them it would have been a great gift. The third of July and the tenth of august came and went without him though.

The rainy season began and everything became gray.

It was one of those mornings, cold and damp with the raining during the night, when we heard a noise from the kitchen and out of curiosity, we got up and he was there, in the kitchen having breakfast. I ran down the stairs and Neji followed me.

"Daddy!" we yelled excitedly in unison.

He smiled, it was like he never left. He had many tales for us, nothing related to the mission of course, but little anecdotes about his travels and bits of information about the life outside the compound and the village. We, in return told him about our achievements. He was surprised with Neji but I shocked him too.

"I can read all by myself!" It was technically true... More or less. I didn't mention my little episode with chakra though. It seemed irrelevant with Neji´s progress. Hotaru didn't either.

He knelt in front of us, a hand on the shoulder of each. "You have grown." He said. "I´m proud, of both." He didn't say anything more. It wasn't needed.

Time passed for Hizashi too. The changes in him were also noticeable. I could see again the father I remember from before, and I was glad.

His late arrival was not the only surprise in store for us in September. As always it was Neji. My dear brother and his penchant to do things he shouldn't be able to. This time was entirely his fault. There was no meddling teacher at work. Nobody taught him. He just did it. Only Kami knows how, but he managed to activate his Byakugan. Hell! It should have been impossible.

Although Byakugan shows from birth in all members of the clan, manifests itself in two phases: one passive and one active. The Byakugan passive, ie while disabled, shows the eye in its normal state, able to see and interpret the movements of the opponent. The active Byakugan other hand ... Besides giving a powerful vision, enables the users to see things "invisible" for example, allowing to see in great detail the chakra circulatory system of the other (enabling the use of Juken) and see the Tenketsus, clearly enough to hit them. It also serves to detect any abnormalities in the environment as in the case a ninja use another dojutsu. The vision they have can clearly distinguish even within time so that events that happen in a split second, pass before those eyes in slow motion, allowing users to not only dodge physical attacks, but any event occurring around them, just with a certain level of training.

To activate it, children are taught a sequence of seals – tora-uma-a special seal like the tora, but with one finger extended-usagi-ne-inu-uma-inu-usagi-tora-ne –. When experience is gained in the technique that is shortened, once mastered to perfection can be activated through the special seal or even without one like Neji did his first time.

He just appeared in the kitchen with it active at dinner time, a look of wonder in his face. He had been practicing his movements outside like any other day and... Well, despite Hizashi´s questions no satisfying explanation was found but Neji was definitely labeled as genius, one that was born only once in several generations.

I thought that it was something amazing, that was until I overhead a certain conversation. I think that Hotaru and my father knew that I was there. They had to.

It was late at night and Neji was asleep. _It was good that the nightmares ended with Fathers return_, I thought. I was thirsty so I got up. There was somebody in the kitchen and I heard voices.

"Hizashi-san," she said. "We have to talk." Hotaru sounded serious. _This could be interesting. _I hid and listened.

"Has something happened?"

"Be at easy, young man" I could imagine the wry smile from her tone. "No harm has befallen them."

"What do you want to talk about then?"

"It's about your youngest."

"Hikai?"

"You have to send her to the dojo." A startled silence and she continued, "She is not a normal child, you should know that. At the beginning I didn't realize. She is such a quiet thing... I knew that there was something different about her but I couldn't put a finger on it. She doesn't behave like a three-year-old. Sometimes she doesn't behave like a child at all."

She paused as if daring him to contradict her. He didn't. I cringed. I was such a fool to think that none noticed. "She asks questions, questions that you wouldn't expect for a girl twice her age with no training."

He chuckled. "Of course she does! She was barely a year old when I caught her eyeing a treatise on ninjutsu and I'm pretty sure she wasn't just watching the pictures. When I started teaching them the Kanji months later she already knew some of them."

I wanted to face-palm. So much for being a normal and unremarkable baby! They knew. They had always known. But then again they were ninja, they were bound to see through the deception, it was their way of life.

"And you would let all that go to waste? Both of us know that she will never have any kind of status within that clan if she doesn't graduate. She will become a burden, only fit as a servant or as a broodmare for some man, if she is pretty enough. She is a Hyuga, she will never be permitted to have a civilian job. I'm old and you won't be there to protect her forever either. I hope that you don't plan to make her Neji´s lifelong responsibility!"

I frowned. It wasn't a very appealing outlook for my future. I knew that we were a shinobi clan, more than the Naras, the senju or even the Uchihas. We didn't have civilians in our ranks. Every child was born with the Byakugan, every child was raised as a trained killer. Our specialty was combat and reconnaissance. There were no medic-nins . Many had the chakra control needed but medical jutsu used chakra, just in the opposite way our junken does. You can only be one or another.

"Of course not! But I fail to see another option! She can´t be a ninja without chakra! The hospital said it wasn't a possibility, to use it consciously would be too painful."

"Perhaps" Grandmother said."But I think- No, I know they are wrong. She is not hypersensitive. She is a sensor type! Or at least something similar."

"A sensor type... Impossible!" He muttered." I never heard of one in the clan."

"They are rare. Even more if there is no precedent in the family. I don't think that they would consider it but she could have inherited it from my father's line and none would be the wiser."

"You knew… Of course you knew! You have known it for a long time and you said nothing."

"I was not sure. There were signs. I don't know how nobody realized before. She seemed to know when and who arrived to the house before she could have seen or heard them and other little details, but that could be her condition. I started to wonder when Neji began with his meditation and exercises to unlock his chakra."

"You encouraged her to practice with her brother, against my wishes."

"That I did. It was imperative to confirm it."

"If you were wrong, meddling with her energy like that could seriously harm her." His voice suddenly sharp.

"But I wasn't. I'm no fool Hizashi-san. I didn't let them poke in such things unsupervised."

"She is my daughter! You had no right to take such risk, much less without my knowledge."

"You weren't there for me to ask you" My father didn't answer but in my mind I could see them. Standing eye to eye, my father controlled but in tension, maybe even menacing, she nonplussed looking back serenely, her face blank. "Does it really matter now?" She said. "What is done is done and now, we know for certain."

"I suppose so." He sounded tired. "But don't you dare do something like that again!"

"Don´t leave your children like that again and I won't have to."

He signed "A sensor type, huh?"

"Yes."

"She would have been thrilled."

A long pause.

"Foolish." Sadness. A note of sadness in her words. "Don't look at me like that! In this, my daughter was a fool! If she paid attention she ought to have paid, we wouldn't find ourselves in this predicament. She should have been training for a year now. My grandson is a prodigy in his own right but his sister has as much potential. You are a lucky man Hizashi Hyuga, to have such talented children."

"Lucky indeed!" There was such bitterness in his voice. "Talent comes at a great price in the Branch House. He is to be branded this year. Now his sister may as well."

"What?" She exclaimed. "He is too young!"

" Hiashi-sama´s wishes."

"I see... Too much competition for the little heiress then."

"Indeed. It will be on her third birthday."

"How fitting... You have to prepare him. You only have two months."

"I know."

They didn't say anything more and I took the moment to flee my hiding place without being noticed. My thirst all but forgotten.

.

* * *

Author Note: Hi! First, sorry for the delay. Now, as you could see there was a poll in my profile. Many of you voted and for that I am very grateful. I closed it a few days ago. I have more or less planed the direction that this fic would take. Spoiler: _Despite that the idea of Hikai as a member of team seven was the most voted it wasn't the one I chose. The main reason was that it had been done many times and I wanted to do something different, but I didn't want to broke any of the other teams either. As result, she wont be part of the 9 rookies. Don´t fear, there wont be any more Ocs if that is what you think. Can you guess what I have in mind? I will write a little oneshot for the person who gets it right, if someone does. If nobody does... Well you will have to wait an see. I hope that it doesn't disappoint. _


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